I loved you once you know
Deeply. completely. selfishly
I devoured you…wanting you to know
Everything I was thinking
Because you couldn’t tell me
What was in your own head
So , instead, I put ideas into your head
While trying to force you to examine things
You had hidden away
From yourself for protection
Of a soul shredded
Long before I came on the scene
I am tired of you blaming me
For what the ghosts in your past
Did to you
And I am tired of seeking answers
From a man is not brave enough
To figure out whether he wants a life with me
Or without
I feel raw, used, scattered
Blown up into pieces that are gone
There is not enough glue in the world
For me to painstakingly put them all together again
Because I am busy and tired of trying to fill up
Your empty spaces and your selfish wants
The ones you know about (yes… those ones you selfish bastard)
And the ones you aren’t even aware of yet
but I am…
I am aware of more than you give me credit for
But I cannot put you together anymore either
You have to do it yourself
Stop depending on me to make
You feel good about yourself again
I can no longer carry your feelings for you
I can barely carry my own
When I remember I even have them anymore
Instead I remember a grenade
That exploded deep within my soul
And you are the one who threw it
Wounding us
You and me
And I wonder if we will ever be the same
For I am running on fumes
Somewhere near the end
Of wanting to figure all of this out
Wanting to run away from the pain
From You
From this life
That at times no longer feels right
Or loving or kind or cherished
A life that is made more complicated
By the issues of others
Until I can no longer differentiate between
Their issues and yours
But find I am growing tired of both
Of giving of myself 100%
When I just want to retreat
Somewhere deep. silent. and kind.
A place where I am no longer wounded
On a daily basis
A place where I can heal
And I can stand up again
Full of confidence. happiness. and belief
That I really do have purpose in my life
And that it starts with me
My purpose. my wants. my needs.
Alone
Without having to consider
And put first
The needs of anyone else in the world
I love this post so much..
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Thank you very much.
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phew. together, apart, drifting, in and out, a flow, we give, we take, we uphold, we despair, we uplift, we cannot, we grow, together, or not.
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Oh wowza. This is heavy. And beautiful and raw. You have some wounds. And they’re there and not being addressed. I feel like I could have written this
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Amazing post! You put into words what I already feel inside ❤️
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