You are no longer mine
Even though you are still here
In this castle you don’t want to be in
With a woman you don’t want to be with
With children who, well,…. who knows what they realize
But soon their lives will change
Their innocence forever gone
Wiped away by male menopause
That dreams of lusty new love
Perpetual hard-ons
And fireworks that light the night sky
With love’s first kiss
You insist you are not angry
“Look how quite I am”
“Look how composed”
Head down, eyes masked
Yet the words you CHOOSE sting
The heat charring them before they leave your mouth
I know that you will not admit the anger
Because it would make you appear
Flawed to yourself
And you cannot have anyone think you are
Anything less than
Perfect
Gallant
Charming
Noble
A Hard working
Self-Sacrificing
Christian Man
With all the Qualities
That a knight is supposed to possess
And you have to see yourself in this way
To like who you are
Because if you really looked deep inside
You would be devastated
By the little boy inside of you
Who cries out from pain of
An abusive mother
And an absent father
And a self that has been lost for so many years
You think you have found yourself
Now that you have found your voice
But you have only skimmed the surface
Of your deep lake of hurt and anger
That drives you to change
EVERYTHING
But your deepest self
Because you are afraid if you really had to examine
The truth of who you are
And where you came from
Your tears would flood this earth
And there would be
No one there to dry your tears
And stop the carnage that you are creating
Maybe someday you will become like
That Knight you so desperately try to emulate
By being brave, true, and loyal to yourself alone
And by slaying that ancient dragon
That lives within your soul
But you will have to cross deep rivers
High Mountains
And Low Valleys
To get to the place
Which brings you peace
But by then
The castle will be empty
The princess gone
And you will have fought the battle
But lost the war
Everything you once loved
And everyone who loved you
GONE
And you will be
But a mere man seated at
The Roundtable all alone
Men move on thinking their life will be better. They never understand that when you leave carrying your old baggage you’re just the same messed up person with a new address.
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I absolutely loved the way you phrased that!
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