Every time I move forward on the divorce front B begs that we stay together. On Thursday he came home and said he was going to sell his new house so that there would be no temptations to run there when things are not “perfect” because you know after a betrayal of four years everything has to be “perfect” so we get along. He will sell the house and wants to be with us.

On Saturday during conversation he states that he is keeping his house. The reason; He is looking a a new job in Texas. After looking at divorce laws and in particular  alimony laws in Texas;

I told him that if he wanted to all move down there to keep our family together in the same area I would either:

A. Want to get divorced in CA first in order to protect me and the kids

B. Have a contract written up which would grant us the same alimony/divisions that would occur in CA

Needless to say, this is now the reason he is keeping his house. “You don’t trust me. You never have our entire 30+ years.” And “You threw me out of our house. I will never be homeless again.”

Geez…. I wonder if your behavior for the past four years has anything to do with it. I wonder if finding out you were still communicating with girl friend was a direct contributor to that? Take responsibility man.

In addition, several times a week he says that he wants me to put his name on my house so we can “be together.”  I keep saying no. Not interested. He keeps saying he wants the relationship to work but it cannot as long as his name is not on the house. He doesn’t feel comfortable.

I wonder how couples who have been betrayed in such a way ever return to a loving relationship. It is obvious that we cannot. Probably not even be friends. How do they do it, I wonder?

This is so hard. I am so tired.I keep moving slowly towards November 20th the day our divorce is set.

Today I made him an offer. You leave and go to Vietnam to be with your “true love” IHN and you get 25% of our assets and I get the rest to raise our children on and I will be totally responsible for any of their expenses. He could live like a king with all that money over there for the rest of his life. He could quit his job and all the stress would be gone. He would like to do it except for the children. Fine we will put together a travel fund so they can visit when they want. Yes…this is the man who swears he wants to be with me and our family but is seriously contemplating  my proposal.

One foot in front of the other. That is all I have the strength for at this point. One step at a time.