The Courage to Love Again
Dating
Dating After Divorce
I know it is too soon for any sort of serious relationship. Realize, please, that I am mindful of this fact and think about what a mistake it would be to even consider the thought after all I have been through with B and my total lack of trust of men and myself. That said, with eyes wide open I have entered the dating world…and I think it probably sucks more than I thought it would.
Gracie was gone for a week so I made myself a promise that I would at least go out once and dip my big toe it the water…turns out that I stuck my entire foot into the pond.
Date #1. I had my doubts before even leaving the house for coffee…I should have listened. He was nice enough and so is his mother, I gather. He lives with her after a temporary financial setback.
NEXT
Date #2. A real Casanova this one but there was real chemistry…dangerous chemistry. Light your hair on fire chemistry BUT a rich man with no allegiance to anyone but himself. And so I came home, took a cold shower, and went to bed by myself.
Date #3. Didn’t look like his picture…need I say more?
NEXT
Date #4. Nice enough man with a history of a nervous breakdown. This girl has been a care taker all her life. Doesn’t want to be one again and is eliminating any man in which I see any possibility of reassuming that role.
One nice thing about dating is that after a tearing down of my ego for years it is rapidly being replenished. Each man I have been out with has said the same thing: You are easy and wonderful to talk to, You are pretty, You are intelligent. You are a happy fun person to be around. Guess what? I am beginning to believe them!
This weekend I have a date with a seemingly nice man who is driving all the way from Reno to meet me and will stay with his friends in a town nearby, He makes me laugh until I almost pee my pants….that’s a good thing, right!
And so I have ventured into single life kicking and screaming all the way but who knows, maybe there is someone out there for me…a damaged by divorce 59 year old woman who is finally happy to be just where she is at in life!
Just Relax And Enjoy It
Last night I had a real honest to goodness date. I had my hair done earlier in the day and was dressed to kill. I had butterflies that were flitting here and there within my innards and I even wore eye liner. From my head to my toes; I looked hot for a woman of my age.
The date was with B. I was worried that things would be strained and that the only thing we would find to talk about would be the kids. I also wondered if I would need to have a drink to loosen up because I didn’t know if I could do what my therapist instructed… ‘Don’t project. Don’t think about motivations. Don’t over-analyze. Just live in the moment and see and feel what is in front of you. Just enjoy what there is to enjoy and let the other stuff go.”
We drove to a little French restaurant another town over. The weekend clarinet player was doing his thing and the vibes going around the room were cool and groovy with a dash of sexy thrown in. Good clarinet music is almost as magical as sax if the musician knows the right mix “Give it to me baby,” songs and this dude was at the top of his game. This backdrop set the stage for a lovely evening of laughter, flirtation and lightness. It was the kind of night that second dates are made of.
After dinner we drove to a little massage place that we love. It’s cheap…$19 for a half-hour and you keep your clothes on. Okay, the soft touch is missing but the crunching of bones isn’t. By the time we walked out of there I felt like I had been run over by a truck and a massive headache had quickly overtaken me. That demure little masseuse definitely had the whole whooshie finger thing going on.
It was a lovely evening full of everything that makes a date special, yet, I have no illusions. I am no Cinderella and B is no Prince Charming. But it was nice to laugh, find some common ground, share memories, and just enjoy ourselves without all the anxiety that sometimes interjects itself when you are working to better your marriage and yourself at the same time.
Maybe we will make it to a second date or maybe we won’t. But one thing I do know is just sitting with the moments and recognizing what is good is a much better way to live than analyzing what isn’t. Being mindful of living in the present and letting go of the past made our date as close to perfect as it is ever going to get, and today, that is good enough for me.
So be it!
Gardy Loo Pismire 