I began this site about 3 1/2 years ago after my husband of 30 years told me he wanted a divorce. It wasn’t until three years later I found out he had been having an affair with our Vietnamese tour guide with whom he lied about having an international business meeting and went to fuck her. In addition, unbeknownst to me he spent everyday talking to her instead of working on our marriage like our therapist and I thought he was doing. Instead, he was working on his relationship with her.
Now, we are working on picking up the pieces and trying to make us each whole again. A year out after finding out about the affair, I can say that good things have come from it but obviously I wouldn’t recommend it to “fix” a marriage. Will this marriage survive? Will our six kids live for the rest of their lives with the ramifications that have resulted over these past three years? I don’t have the answers but we are muddling along the best we can and trying to change our reactions and behaviors. We aren’t trying to make our way back to one another because…yuck…who wants to go back to that. Instead, we are working on the foundation of a new relationship that we hope will last the rest of our lives.
We do have a stressful household. Four teenagers… two of whom have autism. It can be quite a circus around here but I would like to think that we are all learning news ways of dealing with life and each other.
May you find peace and self-acceptance in your life and if you are dealing with a cheating spouse I wish you luck. You probably don’t recognize it now but everything does happen for a reason (I know quite trite and probably not helpful at this time, but it is true). I say this because a year out I now know why this happened and the ways in which I have personally benefitted from the time spent working on myself and our marriage. I hope that you will find this understanding too. Shalom…Amen…Peace WITHIN YOURSELF And To You.