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Great Sex with Mr. Potato Head

Great Sex With Mr. Potato Head…331 Days To Fix This

August 26, 2015August 27, 2015 / Gardy Loo Pismire / 3 Comments

Sex.

It’s good.

It’s bad.

It’s too long.

It’s too short.

And it can get boring. Very boring.

Several years ago THE GIRLS and I were sitting around drinking a little wine when the conversation turned to sex. No, not the Birds and the Bees type of sex talk but the We’ve been married a long time and its getting a L.I.T.T.L.E. boring around here, kind.

After various positions had been discussed along with other “Let’s Get Our Groove Back” unmentionables; we came up with a brilliant idea to solve our less-than exciting sex lives. And it involved the very short but strangely sexy and debonaire … Mr. Potato Head. (Don’t you dare go there!)

images-13

Yes, Mr. Potato Head improved our sex lives to the point that he should have become a national shrine visited by bored and complacent couples everywhere. He was our Rati, our Eros, Our Hymen and our Yue Lao all rolled into one. In short, he became our sex guru.

So how can Mr. Potato Head solve the problem BORING sex? Easy. He is the prize. He is the mascot. He is the winner-take-all.

Here is how it works.

Every month a new category is placed on the table. These include such places/things as:

  • Sex in the highest place (Mt. Whitney won)
  • Sex in the most expensive car (One of the couples went so far as to rent a Jaguar)
  • Sex in a public place (That would be the glass elevator at the Embassy Suites in La Jolla)
  • Sex at a beach (The nude beach at Kauai)
  • Sex at a sporting event (A private box at a baseball stadium)
  • Best costume sex
  • Best ALMOST sex
  • Best hotel sex
  • Best in the water sex
  • Best inflatable sex (take it the way you want)
  • Hottest library sex
  • Most original place sex
  • Best massage sex
  • Hottest Sex (Furnace Creek at Death Valley)
  • Coldest Sex
  • Sweetest Sex (on a table of rolled out home-made silky smooth taffy)
  • Slimiest Sex (a kiddie pool filled with jello)
  • Most Dangerous Sex
  • Newest Sex (on the roof of a newly constructed but not occupied hotel in Las Vegas)
  • Greenest Sex
  • Almost Got Caught Sex

After a month of valiantly trying to best each other, THE GIRLS would meet over dinner and a little wine to discuss our sexcapades. After the stories were told (pictures were optional) there was a vote to decide who got to take home the coveted Mr. Potato Head. Winner-take-all. Then the next month’s topic was chosen.

Unfortunately, all THE GIRLS have moved away from one another and the original Mr. Potato Head has long since disappeared into some unsuspecting kids toy box. But three weeks ago in an attempt to spice up our sex life I went to the store and bought a new Mr. Potato Head. He’s a silent spectator (what a voyeuristic little dude) sitting on the top of our bed watching as we “go at it.” And although we are only passing him back and forth between ourselves he is an indicator of our commitment to finding our way back to one another.

images-12images-14 images-15*All Posts copyrighted 2015. Rights retained by owner*

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Recent Posts

  • A Toast…To ME…And The “Quest”
  • Don’t Tread On Me
  • Living In Fear II
  • No Longer Living In Fear
  • Congratulations Winner!

Recent Comments

Gardy Loo Pismire on A Toast…To ME…And…
sunshinelifeforme on A Toast…To ME…And…
Gardy Loo Pismire on Living In Fear II
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Categories

  • "What if"
  • A New Me
  • Adoption
  • Advice
  • Advice To My Children
  • Aging
  • Am I Still Your Girl?
  • Anger
  • Apologize
  • Art
  • ASD
  • Autism
  • Battles
  • Beauty
  • Beginning Again
  • Being Lonely
  • Being the best that you can be
  • Best Self
  • Betrayal
  • Big Brother
  • Birthdays
  • Botox
  • Boys
  • Camp
  • Can I have some quiet please
  • cancel
  • Caring
  • Carry Your Feelings
  • change
  • Change is scary
  • Chaos
  • Cheat
  • Cheater
  • Christmas Party
  • Chronic Pain
  • Civil War
  • clarity
  • Closet
  • Communication
  • Connections
  • Control
  • Crazy
  • Damn I'm Good
  • Date Night
  • Death
  • Discovery
  • Diver
  • Divorce
  • Divorce
  • Divorce
  • Do You Still Love Me?
  • Doesn't Need Me
  • Dreaming
  • Dying
  • Effort
  • Emergencies
  • Emotional Cheater
  • Emotions
  • Ethics
  • Faith
  • Family
  • Fear
  • Feeling Overwhelmed
  • Feelings
  • Fellings
  • Fight
  • Fire
  • Food
  • Forever
  • Forgivness
  • Friendship
  • Full Potential
  • Gardening
  • Genealogy
  • gentle words
  • Getting Old
  • Gifts
  • Give and Take
  • Golden Ladder Parent
  • Good Enough Parent
  • Good Man
  • Good Qualities
  • Grandchildren
  • Grandparents
  • Granting Grace
  • Grateful
  • Great Sex
  • Great Sex with Mr. Potato Head
  • Great Sex With Toys
  • Growing Pains
  • Growing up
  • Gym
  • Half-full
  • Happiness
  • Happy
  • Happy Marriage
  • Hatred
  • helplessness
  • Hlf-Empty
  • Holidays
  • Hollow Victory
  • Homesick
  • honesty
  • Honor
  • Hope
  • Hot Stuff
  • How to forgive
  • How We View The World
  • Humanity
  • Humor
  • I love it when
  • IEP
  • Improvement
  • Independent
  • Invisible
  • Joy
  • Judgement
  • Kays To A Happy Marriage
  • Kinder words
  • Liar
  • Lies
  • Limbo
  • Limitations
  • listening
  • Living a Good life
  • Living For The Moment
  • Lonely road
  • Losing it
  • Loss
  • Lots of Sex
  • Love
  • Lust
  • Makeup
  • Marriage
  • Meltdowns
  • Memories
  • Men
  • Mental Illness
  • Mindfulness
  • Mistress
  • Motherhood
  • Music
  • Nature
  • Never Give Up
  • Never Stop Talking
  • Not emotional
  • Nothings Real But Love
  • Nuture
  • Older But Wiser
  • omissions
  • Pain
  • Pain In The Butt
  • Password
  • Patience
  • peace
  • Perfection
  • Petoskey
  • Petoskey Stones
  • Place of Mysteries
  • Poems
  • Politics
  • Pregnancy
  • PTSD
  • Qualities A Man Must Have
  • Quiet
  • Rain
  • Rejuvenate
  • Rejuvenate a Marriage
  • Relationships
  • Research
  • Road Not Taken
  • Romantic Love
  • Scared
  • School
  • secrecy
  • Self-Deception
  • serenity
  • Sex
  • Sexy Costumes
  • Sexy Lingerie
  • Shame
  • Shut Down
  • silence
  • Sitting in Silence
  • Sitting in the silence
  • Sizzle
  • Soul
  • Special Needs Children
  • Special Needs Families
  • Special Needs Kids
  • Spicing It Up
  • Stories
  • Studies
  • Superhero
  • Surgery
  • Sweet emotions
  • Teenagers
  • Teens
  • Temptress
  • Thanks
  • The Other Woman?
  • The Past
  • Transracial Adoption
  • Trash Issues
  • Travel
  • Travel
  • Treasure Chest
  • True Self
  • trust
  • Truth
  • Turn You On
  • Unanswered Questions
  • Uncategorized
  • Understand rather than judge
  • understanding
  • Unprotected
  • Vacation Without the Kids
  • Victory
  • Voting
  • Who will I become?
  • Wonder Woman
  • word grenades
  • Yelling

Meta

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