I Love Mexico

So, I have been in Mexico a little over a month and I am loving it here. The weather has been perfecto, I feel safe, and there is always something new to discover. The grocery stores in Juriquilla put the ones in the USA to shame. They are so clean you could eat off the floor. Uber costs me with tip about $3.50 per ride. The food is fantastic and fairly cheap. And thus far I have visited the Colonial Towns of San Miguel Allendende (right) and Bernal (left) both of which are charming in their own way. Barbarita (whose house and dogs I am looking after) has been busy arranging for her friends to babysit me and I have confess it has been wonderful to be looked after in such a loving and caring way. Thank you, Barbarita, and thank you to my new friends!

Since I have been in Mexico there are times I have floundered but mostly I feel as if I am flourishing…as if life is finally opening up to me and I am holding on tight as I direct the ride. I am taking Spanish classes twice a week. I don’t know what kind of superhero I thought I was but for some odd reason I just thought I would be fluent in Spanish within a month or two at the most. The joke’s on me and apparently on others too as I try my best to converse in Spanish. So far I have had two major gaffs. The first was this: I meant to ask a young woman how old she is but instead asked her how many buttholes she had. (Anos vs Anos with the little squiggle over the N) Who would have thought one little virgulilla could make such a difference! Then just this week, I called this wonderful woman named Conchita the word Cochinita which means a nasty-smelling pig like creature of a woman. Oops! Because of this, I am now watching these amazing cartoons everyday that teach Spanish using Spanish subtitles, then English and Spanish subtitles and then no subtitles at all. It is helpful to say the least. The program in on YouTube and it is called Learn Spanish With Simple Story. I can honestly say that all these cartoons are making me feel young at heart and improving my Spanish. Language or the lack of it is definitely the floundering part of life for me here in Mexico.

The second aspect of my floundering has come from having my Facebook account hacked and then Facebook banning me from the site. Every time I have tried to set up a new one they bad that too. Sometimes it is hard to be away from “home” and not be able to communicate with people who have touched my life in profound ways even though some of whom I have never met face to face. In addition, I decided I had to step back and put some distance between myself and a relationship that I treasure.

But the flourishing part of this adventure is what I am truly reveling in. Here I can make my own mistakes without comment. Here I am finding my confidence again by stepping out of my comfort zone and taking chances. Here I am allowing myself “to be” without worry about what any else thinks. And here is where the rubber meets the road to determine how effective I can be out on my own acting as my own advocate in situations that are challenging. And I am proud of how I have handled things that might make other squirm. I am finally living my life with no one to blame except myself on how it all turns out. In the past, I have always had someone else’s hand to hold to give me strength and confidence and now I have to look inward to find those things. Now, I hold my own hand. I am also working on crafting a legacy…one that will hopefully make my family proud.

Yes, I miss my friends and I miss you ( you know who YOU are) but I don’t miss myself anymore for I have finally found her and she is pretty cool.

Traveling solo at this age (64), living out of two small suitcases for long periods, is damn hard at times. You worry about your health, your ability to defend yourself, and if selling everything is an early sign of dementia. Yet, it can also be so rewarding as I look to myself for all that I desire and need. I suspect things will get tougher in Costa Rica and even harder in Colombia. But by then, I think that I will have learned that I can trust in myself enough that I will easily be able to find the courage to face whatever comes my way.

And if you are interesting in following my travel blog here it is: https://youshouldbeatravelingfool2.com

What Do I Want To Reflect?

One of the nice things (if you can call ANYTHING about divorce nice) is that I get to start over, While moving is usually exciting to me this time I find everything seems muted, Colors, sound, views…all different than before. Almost like seeing everything in black and white instead of in beautiful vibrant color.

One of the things I am starting over on is my home. What do I want it to reflect when someone steps inside? How does it identify who and what I believe? After 32 years of marriage who am I ALONE? What do I want people to glean about me when they enter my domain? And so I have been working on this the past week and would like to show you a few of the results….starting with the kitchen.

I paired an antique french table with these modern chairs. I think it says a lot about who I amIMG_3893

Next is the formal living room. Since I left my beautiful baby grand piano back in Texas I find the room has doubled in size! I have a corner to fill but other than that it is done.

First I went on Craig’s list and found this old desk which I brought home and painted. I paired it with a chair from Ross Dress For Less which cost under $50.

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Remember the Persian Rugs that I bought and that B hated well I think this one looks really good with the sofa. I found the modern chair to pair with my art deco cabinet as a floor sample and swept it up for under $175. Yes, I bought that beautiful velvet Green sofa off of Wayfair and I LOVE it. So tired of the former all brown “Family”  look.

 

I have had this large scroll painting since I went to China the last time but had no where to hang it. With that big boring blank wall hogging up the space I decided the Giant Tibetan Mastiff and his girl really needed a home there. I love this picture because it reminds me so much of Tibet…the kids with smudges of dirt all over their faces no matter where you went.

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Finally, I had this other picture from Ethiopia and have never done anything with it. The dimensions were such that it could not be framed so I solved that problem by filling the landing wall with it.

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I hope through these pictures you get a glimpse of who I am.

Today, I also got off my ass and went for a three mile walk. Here are a few pictures of what I saw:

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Exchange-A 10 Minute Poem Challenge

Sometimes I wonder

What it will be like

For you to be away

Knowing that you are

Never coming back

Except for that special necktie

You wore at your father’s funeral

Which lies at the back of our old closet

Not being thought of until now

When you want something

From home

And nothing from me

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Will I miss you?

Wishing you were coming back for me

Instead of that old tie

Or will I feel free?

Without the encumbrance of your expectations

Which I never seem to be able to live up to

Anyways

Will I miss laying my head on your chest

In bed as we exchanged nighttime pleasantries

Before that last kiss when we turned away

From one another

Each heading off to our private dreamlands

Yours which features new lovers

With better everythings

Than I will ever again have

And mine in which I follow my heart

To a vast and empty wasteland

Where nothing grows ever again

Because of the poison that you have spread

All over me

Wishing I was

Younger

Thinner

Prettier

Quieter

Move Loving

Less Loving

A Better Mom

Funnier

Less Demanding

A Better Housekeeper

Instead of just accepting me

For who I am

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Someday soon I suspect

I will know the answer to these questions

And will, most likely, not like what I discover

Because I know I will miss you

Terribly

Hurtfully

Absurdly

Uncomfortably

And will have to endure

All this sadness and pain

Until I find Alice

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Who will lead me through

That oddly shaped door

Drinking the Kool-aid

In order to grow enough

To reach that handle

And turn the knob

That will bring me home to myself

To that place that I want to be

Safe and secure

Within myself and with myself

Appreciating all that I am

Which you could never do

And when I finally arrive

I will give myself a hug

Like you do

When meeting an old friend

And I will no longer

Be missing you

Because I will have found myself

Once again

I may be alone

But I’ll never again be lonely

Because now I am my own

Best Friend

Not beaten down

Not dismissed

 

But treasured for all that I have

And all that I am

Left to give to myself

And the world

All the gifts I possess

Which you returned to Macy’s

In exchange for fireworks

And a pink negligee

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