Hospitals

Out And About

/ Gardy Loo Pismire / Leave a comment

It’s been a busy 24 hours. Last night Barbarita took me to a birthday party and I can truly say that I had a blast and that the Mexican people know how to celebrate with a sense of love and appreciation that I have rarely witnessed. I was welcomed with open gracious arms and it is something I will not soon forget. A big thank you to Magda and her husband for showing me such a good time.

I am relieved to say that I went to the doctor today and will be having my colonoscopy next Monday. My health has been a concern since at the end of April when I received the results of my Cologuard test which said “higher than average chance of precancerous polyps or colon cancer. See a doctor.” Well, I had been trying to see a doctor in the USA and in Oregon, Tennessee, Michigan and Nevada I was told that scheduling for a colonoscopy was at least three months out and because I had no permanent address the chances of me getting one were slim to none. So today I went to a highly recommended specialist here in Mexico that Barbarita found. He charged me $50 for an office visit and scheduled the colonoscopy for a week later. The total cost for the procedure including anesthesia and IV will be $404. Needless, to say I am relieved. An even bigger plus is that the two hospitals I have visited here are super modern and beautiful. Here are a couple of pictures.

Today, prior to the appointment Barbarita took me grocery shopping. The markets here are beautiful, clean, and mostly much cheaper than in the States. A bought a fresh cantaloupe juice for $1 and a candy bar for less than a dollar. Fruits and veggies are plentiful and inexpensive. Plus they have plenty of gluten-free items for sale. See what you think for yourself:

I am so happy to be in Mexico at the present time. I feel safe and happy here. I cannot tell you how glad I am to be out of Orangeland for the time being. A big thanks to Barbarita and James for making sure I land on my feet, introducing me around, helping me with Spanish and letting me stay with them and house sit for them over the next several months. It couldn’t have come at a better time.

I leave you with a picture of the main house, my little private casita and the courtyard on this beautiful sunny day.

The Embarrassment Of Trying To Learn A New Language At My Age

/ Gardy Loo Pismire / Leave a comment

So I have arrived in Queretaro, Mexico, and thus far I am loving it. It is different than I imagined. First of all it is in the mountains which at this time of the year are lush and green. I am quite high in the mountains, which as it turns out, gave me a headache from the resulting altitude sickness from living up so high. But the beauty of the mountains is worth the price of a few Tylenol. There is also a Dennys, Costco, Walmart and HEB store here. While these businesses makes life easy it also makes me feel as if I am living back in the USA which is what I am trying to get away from. All I can say is thank goodness for the authentic Mexican taco stands with their slabs of fire grilled meat which is hand-sliced with a knife that is big enough that Crocodile Dundee would be proud to carry one. Best of all, I discovered a new favorite way to eat tacos…topped with fresh pineapple and melted cheese. YUMMMMM!

Thus far it has been raining constantly partly due to the rainy season and also the outer band of Hurricane Eric which came ashore. My little casita outside the main house is starting to leak a bit of water through the ceiling. I discovered this after crawling into a wet bed but it is really a minor inconvenience and not a major problem. I love the neighborhood that I am in and am enjoying the hospitality of Barbarita’s family before they leave for the United States.

Prior to arriving in Mexico, I had been listening to Lingopie and taking APP Spanish lessons. And while it has helped me to be able to pick out words here and there I find that I am frustrated with myself that learning a new language is not easier for me. I know that at 64 yo just remembering to tie your shoe laces is a challenge. Yet, trying to come up with words that you have looked at a zillion times to say at the appropriate time has proved to be amazingly difficult compared to said laces. Yesterday to my great embarrassment I accidentally asked a young woman “How many buttholes do you have instead of how old are you?” Anos vs Ano really can be a major fax pas if not used and pronounced correctly. At this point my Spanish is so bad that I am afraid of creating an international incident if I open my mouth. And while I am trying so hard to learn this beautiful language I find that my 64 yo brain just does not want to cooperate.

The other day I accompanied my host/friend Barbarita to the hospital. She is an incredible Palliative Care nurse who is working on her PhD. She also started a second hand store to provide scholarships for health care professionals wanting to learn about hospice. She is such an inspiration and I can hardly wait to start working in the store. Anyway, back to the hospital…it was amazing. Here are just a few pictures. It puts most United States hospitals to shame.

So there we go. My first 48 hours in Juriquilla. I am loving it, learning from it, and am excited to have this chance to spend time in a place for more than just the typical two week vacation. And maybe, with a little luck I will not make a complete fool out of myself and contribute to the “ignorant American” stereotype that one often finds when Americans travel. At the least, I promise I will try really hard not to cause any diplomatic issues between our two countries.

It Has Been A Tough Week

/ Gardy Loo Pismire / 8 Comments

This has been a tough week. Okay…not all of it. The Ritz was not tough. The massages were not tough. Seeing my friend for dinner…not tough. But when I arrived home…MEGA TOUGH.

So when I got home B was his usual distant self, which starts my anxiety climbing. Then yesterday I get a call from Paul’s work. He has collapsed. So I have been at the hospital almost non-stop since as they concentrate on his heart and ordered every test in the book. Except for today when I went to B’s house and continued to help him paint.

You will recall over a month ago he wrote on our mirror I choose you and sent Vietnam girl and goodbye letter. Of course he has done this before and has had a four year virtual affair with her (except for when the met up in in Singapore)

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Then last week he told me he was just going to sell this house he was working on so he wouldn’t not have a place to go and just be tempted to quit our marriage. The next day he came home and we talked about this possible job that he was going after in Texas and he wanted me to come. I told him that I could not come unless:

  1. We got divorced in CA first as Texas laws were not favorable to me
  2. Or that we draw up a contract stating that we would follow CA law should we divorce.

The next day B told me that he decided to keep his house. He decided that he would because “I don’t trust him” as evidenced by above statements regarding a move to Texas.

Fine. I continued to help paint his house because I am a nice woman, knowing all along that he was planning to move into it when it was done despite insisting that he was not and he only wanted to be with me.

So today, after spending time with Paul at the hospital, I swung by B’s house and he asked if I could help paint as the new carpet and floors are being laid starting Monday. Sure I said and went and painted the master bath. I already had painted his laundry room, part of his hallway, a bedroom and part of the living room. I think that is darn nice, don’t you/

As I was about to leave to told B about a conversation Paul and I had and that Paul was worried that B would be moving into his house instead of staying put with us. I told him that he should talk to Paul about it and that if he was planning to move he should just say so and not hurt our kids by going back and forth while sending them mixed signals.

“You are moving there, right? I asked.

“Yes, I am. I think we need a separation.”

“That is so great. You are doing exactly what I needed you to do for the divorce. Thank you.” And I want over and have him a big kiss and hug.

“Oh and I don’t think we need a separation I think we need a divorce.”

He just stood there with his mouth hanging open as I walked happily out the door.

And I feel great and these last weeks I have bought myself time as I gathered papers for the divorce. AND in the state of CA since I threw him out previously, I could have been responsible for half of his living expenses but now that the house is his and he could move in…that possibility is no longer a burden.

And while sad, I also feel a little lighter. My heart doesn’t hurt.

Tonight we actually sat down and starting dividing assets and it felt good.

Of course, B wanted me to know he had decided to move into his house because I wanted everything my way.

“Can you give me an example of what you mean?”

“Yes, I told you we needed to combine our money and our assets and you wouldn’t.”

True. Never will again either. Don’t want the Vietnam woman to ever be able to get her hands on that.

“And just because I am taking a 5 day hiking trip you felt entitled to take a longer trip of your own.”

Oh, the trip to escort my daughter to her swim camp across the country and then go visit for 2 days with my 83 year old father who I haven’t seen in two years…. You are right…I am definitely unreasonable. GEEZ.

And that’s when I told him that I knew that this was the eventual outcome a long time ago after reading an article that said that there were four outcomes from affairs but the one that no one ever recovered from is when the person who had the affair continues to blame the innocent party for their dastardly deeds. So because at one point in our marriage I yelled he had to go out and have an affair. End of story. It is my fault and always will be in his mind. But I KNOW it isn’t all my fault and you know it is not too. Frankly that is all that matters.  And while I know the next couple of weeks will be tough I know they will never be s tough as living with a man who has lied and cheated on me almost every day for the psst four years and did his best to make me feel like shit about myself. And while he came close to succeeding…he did not. For I have survived and I have grown. I no longer yell and have gotten closer to my children. They of course have suffered and it has brought Andre’s autism out further into the open.

But now I am finally ready. Scared but strong. Weak but oh so brave. I gave it my best and lost the war anyway but gained myself. So bring it on world. I am here and waiting. And this time I FUCKING WELL MEAN IT.

 

 

It’s Been A Hell Of A Week

/ Gardy Loo Pismire / 4 Comments

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Sometimes I feel like I am on a roller coaster. I pull the emergency brake and nothing happens and so I just keep going around and around and around.

Besides the usual weird school calls, the asthma attacks (come get your son, please) and the hiding of food in the most unusual places; this week Gracie is making my life hell because she doesn’t want to go to Disneyland with her school orchestra. WHAT KID ON PLANET EARTH DOESN’T WANT TO GO TO DISNEYLAND? Apparently mine. It figures I would have that anomaly in my family too.

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Then the other day….the worst. B was driving to Southern CA when he had a few chest pains but continued on because they only lasted a minute or so. Then when he was driving home from Southern CA, suddenly his hand and arm just quit working. He pulled over into a rest stop and his hand was contracted like when you have a debilitating stroke. He could not grip his phone or the steering wheel. This went on for 30 minutes or so at which point he got back into the car and headed home.

The next morning as he was heading off to work he suddenly got terribly dizzy and it felt like his eyes were crossing. He could barely stand. I got him in the car to take him to the hospital and asked did he want me to take him or call an ambulance. He wanted an ambulance which immediately told me something was VERY wrong.

By the time I arrived at the hospital blood had been drawn. He was sitting in a chair in the hall. There were no rooms at the inn. He had ataxia and the ER doctor ordered an MRI and several other tests to rule out a stroke. Luckily, everything came back normal and he was discharged five hours later (having never gotten a room due to the fullness of the hospital and ER). I took him to our physician and he made an appointment for him to see a neurologist.

During the day in the ER many things went through my head. First and foremost: I LOVE THIS MAN. Through thick and thin, sickness and health and even the past two crappy years. Seeing him laying there pale, sweaty and unable to control his body scared the crap out of me but I knew one thing…I knew I would stand by him no matter what happened because he is who I love and want to be with. The thought of losing him in this way…there are no words just feelings of immense pain like falling into a dark well.

My second thought was this: Oh shit, I hope this doesn’t scare him and he decides that he is getting near the end of his life and he has to change it. As in “I think I want a divorce.” AGAIN. Needless to say, when those negative thoughts appeared I suddenly had the urge to send his chair careening down the hall into the sharpest needle possible.

Being married for 30+ years is hard. Realizing that as a couple you will be spending more time in the ER and visiting doctors is even harder. We are nearing 60 and getting old is not like the ads on TV. We are running out of both mental and physical reserves. Things ache when we wake up and when we go to bed. Knees don’t bend and body parts start to become unrecognizable.  What the HELL…WHY DOESN’T SOMEONE SIT YOU DOWN WHEN YOU ARE YOUNG AND TELL YOU ALL OF THIS? WHY DON’T THEY WARN YOU THAT OLD AGE IS ALMOST AS BAD AS THE ALTERNATIVE? Had I known all of this I would have done things differently. I would have:

  1. Taken a thousand pictures of me in a bikini at 20. Unfortunately, I thought I was “too fat” or lacking in some area. NOW, I just realize how stupid I was to believe all the negative things I told myself about my body because, believe me, it all went downhill from there.
  2. I would have traveled even more than I have.
  3. I would have started meditating and practicing mindfulness years ago and reaped the benefits both emotionally and physically for the past three decades.
  4. Laughed more and taken everything less seriously. I thought it was the end of the world if my kids didn’t grow up to be college educated folk. Now I know that there are plenty of other things that are just as valuable and pleasing when you are traveling through life.
  5. Taken a year off before I married and had kids to roam. I would have been slightly more irresponsible, experiment more, and try new things at a much greater rate than I have. I would have tried new foods constantly and put more effort into discovering my “style” long before now.
  6. Maintained my weight vigilantly so I might have reduced the chance of having the aches and pains I have now.
  7. I would have taken every lesson known to man so I would have a much broader sense of life.
  8. I would have risked more and played it safe less.
  9. I would have had more sex.

 

So there you go. A starter list for you to improve your life NOW and in the future. Don’t wait until you are laying in a gurney somewhere. Life is meant to be lived. Do it now.