Autism and College

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We have worked hard for this moment.  All of us. When your child has autism the old adage is really true…it does takes a village.

Our family has spent years going to therapists, doing nightly neuro-therapy, hippo therapy, social skills classes, ABA therapy, special autism programs and attending IEP’s galore.

And then one day it happens…it all pays off.

Today, Andre received his first acceptance letter into college. Frankly, it feels like a miracle. All the sacrifice. All the sleepless nights. All the arguments about taking pride in what you do. All the school calls about his behaviors and going there, not to bring him home, but to force him to clean up the school yard if he wouldn’t cooperate and listen to the teacher. No rewarding bad behavior here!

Admittedly, there were days we weren’t sure if we would make it….all of us…parents, kid, and teachers. For Andre, an uncovered classroom window meant watching the birds instead of listening to instructions. His life consisted of figit boxes, weighted vests, and mechanical pencils of a particular type or he could not concentrate in order to do his work. Autism combined with ADD makes sitting still incredibly hard, listening very difficult, and organizing darn near impossible. His narrow list of interests and the thought he shouldn’t have to learn what he didn’t deem important made his teachers want to pull their hair out. But still he persevered and so did they.

Four years ago he received Boy Scouts highest award…The Medal of Honor…for saving an  elderly ladies life. Last year he became an Eagle Scout and immediately stopped going. Most of the time he stays in his room drawing characters for the novels he has been writing for the past several years. And not because I am his mom, but because it is the truth, his books are really good.

I don’t know if Andre will go off to school come fall. He might delay leaving home for another year so that he can finish his Associates Degree that he started working on in high school and allow himself the time to mature another year. Sometimes I think he might be ready. Lots of time…not…especially when I realized he has not showered for a week, brushed his teeth for days, changed his underwear since he last showered or remembered to take his medicines since I last reminded him. Frankly, he is several years behind his peers maturity-wise so he has some catching up to do but then again sometimes the birds that soar are the ones that are kicked out of the nest missing a few feathers.

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As I look back over the years the times of despair were many. The worry was great. The uncertainty was sometimes crippling. Sleep was lacking. But Autism didn’t defeat us then and it won’t in the future. The village has got this but more and more it’s up to Andre now. And you know what…he can do it. For autism no longer defines Andre… he defines it. With a little help and understanding my son will reach his full potential. It may be a life that is different from what I envision or what I would want for myself but it will have meaning for him, purpose and joy. And that is what really matters anyway.

 

 

First Day Of College

Meet 14 yo Andre. His sense of humor is scalding, his style of dress is prehistoric and he in a bona-fide hero…he saved another person’s life while risking his own. He insists on routine, he is stubborn as the day is long, and he has autism which while not completely defining him gives you a hint of what is to come.

Today was Andre’s first college class. It is hard to express just what I am feeling but I can tell you this…I am very proud of him.

We are fortunate that there is a high school that is located on the local college campus and besides the regular curriculum the kids also have the opportunity to take college classes. The goal is to graduate with a high school as well as a college diploma at the end of their four years.

We are also very fortunate that Andre, despite his challenges including autism and severe ADHD, is able to navigate the system as well as he does. He is a great student and has a very unique perspective on many issues. And while I am glad he has this opportunity I also worry about my 9th grader.

It’s hard not to be apprehensive about Andre as he steps into this new, more mature world that isn’t set up for someone on the spectrum.

It’s not the drugs I worry about. In Andre’s very black and white world, where rules are to be adhered to at all costs; illicit drugs are just not in his game book.

It is not all the bad influences that concern me. Unfortunately, no one is interested enough to go beyond Andre’s quirky behaviors to get to know him yet alone influence him.

It is not the classwork that has me sleeping less at night. With a son who is a human calculator I am confident in his ability to master anything that his instructors throw at him.

What worries me is those who will take his natural kindness and abuse it. His openness to everyone and everything and exploit it. His way of singing through life and squash it. But most of all, I worry about predators, especially sexual, who will see a target who has no understanding of how protect himself and they will move in. And on a campus that offers hims so many opportunities, a campus full of adults, I pray that no one takes advantage of a young man who takes advantage of no one and desperately wants to have one, just one, friend and to fit in. And if I had the chance to say something to all the students about Andre I would say just let him be himself, listen to him and help him navigate when he becomes rudderless but most of all just be his friend…everyone deserves to have at least ONE friend and by being his friend you will be the one who will gain the most.images