We own a rental house. It is where I will be moving when we separate. I could stay here but why? This is a bigger house with a pool and upkeep costs that I will just not be able to afford.
I will miss this house. I have painted every room and hung things just so. I have stood on the roof and painted the shutters. I have planted grapes, tons of multi-colored lilies, and some very unusual plants. I have a lot of memories here and have put so much of myself into our family and home. Yet, it will also be a relief to leave it and have a place that is mine alone. A place that I can re-do just like I have re-done myself in these past two-and-one-half years trying to avoid the “maybe divorce” that appears now to have been inevitable.
The other day I “visited” where I will be living. I snuck up to the back fence (which is falling down) and looked through. It brought back a few memories of when we lived here previously and as those thoughts appeared I smiled with happiness and appreciation of what was. But as I was standing there I mostly dreamed of what is to come.
That playhouse we built in the backyard…well I am going to paint it violet…or maybe candy apple red… and I’ll add an upper porch on which I will drink my coffee in the morning and swing in the double swing that will hang beneath it in the early evening. I may also add a small studio in which I will do my writing undisturbed except for the call of the birds and an occasional bark from the pooch.
It is a large yard so I will plant more David Austin roses, construct pathways and vegetable boxes, and place a fountain or two. This backyard will become my haven and an expression of who I am today. It will take a lot of work but getting to this place in my life has too. It has taken getting my hands dirty, tossing old ideas into the trash, and doing a lot of weeding of my soul in order to bloom. And bloom I will. For dreams, like gardens, can come alive if they are given the proper care and nourishment. And because I have been sifting through the soil of my soul I am now ready to plant new ideas, new people, and my kind of beauty into my life once again. Sure, things will be a challenge as I go forth as a single person nearing 60 yo and you bet at times I am scared out of my whits but I also know that sometimes you just need to get a little dirt under your nails and drive a few nails to renew both yourself and your garden. It is my hope that we can both thrive.
*I usually don’t do political commentary but today I felt I have to as the primary for my state is this Tuesday. If you don’t like it don’t read it.*
There are many times in my life that I have struggled with religion. In fact, when picking a church I have been known to call and interview the pastor about issues such as homosexuality in their church, Christians practicing hatred, and women’s rights. Inevitably, I would get a “Well, we tell people that homosexuality is a sin so we do not marry THEM in our church” to which I would reply that any church that teaches exclusion based on gender, race, ethnicity and sexual identification goes against the teachings of Jesus. I would thank them for their time, scratch them off the list, and then try another.
As a person who has children who are “minority” citizens of this country I have always had a concern about people who hate. Whether its Mexicans, homosexuals, or uppity women; haters don’t just hate one group they are equal opportunity haters against anyone who is “different” from them. I don’t tolerate it but I am surprised by the numbers that do. While this week it may be gays that are the new target group, next week it will be African Americans who experience more than the usual amount of racism that they have to deal with on a daily basis. Somehow, it always feels like we as a country are just a step away from my children being the next group that haters will descend on. This is why Donald Trump is such a concern to me.
The President of the United States is “suppose ” to represent and look out for the interests of all persons regardless of who they are and where they come from. But this week Trump sunk to a new low stating that the judge who is presiding over his case should be removed only for the fact that he is Mexican American. But it is not the first time The Donald’s bigotry has risen to the forefront. During his campaign he has called Mexican immigrants rapists and murderers. In 1973 and 1976 the Justice Department sued Trump’s company for not providing equal opportunity to African Americans who were trying to rent apartments. He has also proposed a blanket ban on Muslims entering this country. His casino in Atlantic City was fined for removing black card dealers from the floor when a certain high roller arrived because the gambler did not want to be around black people. There are so many instances of Trump’s racist ideas and comments going back decades that it truly amazes me that anyone is surprised when a new attack against some group is uttered by the man.
As a parent I have an obligation to protect the rights of my Asian children. As a human being I have the same obligation to promote the rights of all of my fellow beings on with earth. I might even argue that as a person whose ethnicity has been provided the greatest protections and has been given greater opportunities; my duty is to ensure that those who have not had those chances should be entitled to rights equal to or greater than my own. So when I see a man who promotes hatred, bigotry and racism trying to ascend to the presidency I get uneasy. I get uneasy for my children, for my family, for people of color and those whose religion is different from my own. I get uneasy because it seems incredible to me that we as a species have still not realized that hatred begets hatred and while you are now “safe” there is no guarantee that you always will be. And having visited an extermination camp, I have seen first-hand what the end results of hatred can be.
A leader who promotes hate of any sort is not a person who will bring unity to a country so torn by diametrically opposed ideas. Unity is what we need in a country as vast and diverse as ours and Trump will not bring it. So if you are thinking about voting for Trump I urge you to think about my children and all the children whose differences may make them vulnerable to attack because the Republican nominee is promoting an agenda which makes being “different” from the white establishment undesirable and if history is to be believed will end up limiting their opportunities. So it is time to take a stand against hatred by using your vote to show that you will not accept a candidate whose platform is mirrored in hate. I thank you as do the millions of families who will be negatively effected by a Trump presidency.