As you have probably figured out my birthday is coming up this week. I find as I get older they are harder to swallow. On the one hand they mean I am creeping closer to death with many goals unfulfilled but on the other hand the alternative is not attractive. Frankly, I am so grateful to be alive after all my body has been through. I realize that had I lived in other places that lack the type of health care I receive that I would died long ago. That is a sobering thought.
This year I seem to be doing a lot for myself for this birthday. I blame this on my therapist who keeps telling me that I need to take time for myself and do some self care with all that is going on in my life and that maybe divorce looming deep and dark everyday. I need a lot more sitting quietly with myself and a touch of zen. Getting to this point is somewhat of a miracle considering I have been a mother for over 33 years and doing things for everyone else. If I am honest sometimes I would just like a break from all the challenges that accompany motherhood and autism. So later this week I am going to take a well earned one. I am going to the ocean later in the week and B will be working part time so that I can do this. (Bless him)
I love the ocean. It makes me feel renewed, fresh, inventive and intuitive. It sharpens my pen and my mind. While there I plan to:
Read several books
Sit on the sand and watch the sunset
Sleep as late as I wish
Go watch the baby seals
Sit cliffside and watch for whales
Hike along the cliffs
Tend to the garden
Work on my novel
Sleep in the nude
Listen to actual records from my collection
Maybe put together the outdoor furniture if it comes
Take myself to dinner every night
I might even sit at a bar and flirt a little (if I can even figure out how to do it since it has been a lost art form for the past 30 years)
I have to confess that I am a little nervous about this. I have not been alone for an extended period of time since…well, I don’t know when. I can’t even tell you if I have ever been and I am concerned I will either go stir crazy or I will discover that I drive myself to distraction. Can you get sick of yourself? I guess I will find out.
I am also looking at this time as precious and nourishing to my soul which makes me excited about the possible discoveries I may make. I hope ideas percolate to the top giving me greater clarity about the things I need at this point in my life. I hope that I feel a sense of peace and tranquility that is often lacking in my life as I run to schools, doctor appointments and the like. And I hope to tap into those parts of me that have laid dormant for way to long.
This is my time and I plan on taking full advantage of it!