Today I was walking by the irrigation ditch trying to get my 10,000 steps in for the day. Last week it was full of cool rushing water but this week there was nothing; the water diverted for some other farmers fields probably to nourish the long rows of walnut or peach trees that rise out of this fertile ground like rockets waiting for a signal to launch. As I looked over the railing I saw two turtles sunning themselves on a rock. How did they get there? I mean its not as if they were in a wet lands area with abundant water. They were parked in the middle of a small but rapidly evaporating oasis.
As I pondered this it got me to thinking about my own life. How did I land here in this particular place at this particular time? B’s job.Further, is this a good place for my soul? No. Does it bring me joy to live here? No. Can I stretch my mind to places that it has never been before? I am limited here. Am I able to sun on a rock and be content? Not without the neighbors watching. As you can see I would probably be happier somewhere else. And like Dorothy I would like to click my heals together and be back where my heart’s desire is. But where is that? What do I need for my soul to heal from my own transgressions and from a broken 30 year marriage?
I have been pondering this question for quite a while, ever since B stated he wanted a divorce. Of course, he mistakenly assumed that should we divorce I would take the kids and I would be stuck here, in a place I do not want to be and could not afford if I was single. But that may not play out the way he originally envisioned it. Because I have been re-engineering my life should things change and I have decided that one of the things I will do is move to a place that gives my soul nourishment and meaning. To a place I want to be with small shops, big pines and the ocean nearby. Someplace where the air is fresh and clean. Someplace that I can call home.Forever. Without the worry of someone else’s wants and whims influencing where and how I live. For I want to be like the turtle, sunning myself on my own rock, without a care in the world.