So, did you know that airlines are changing the size bags that they allow their customers to check and if they are more than 61 inches (LxHxD … including wheels) they are going to start charging more? I learned this the other day when flying Southwest Airlines and found out that the airline will now charge an extra $200 for a bag larger than 61 inches starting May 28, 2025.
As you know, I sold my house and am starting a world adventure house sitting and everything I will need for this trip…my entire life…is in two suitcases. One was a slightly larger than 61 inch bag and the other is a carry on. Two months ago I bought a nice big suitcase (Big Blue) for my trip to Thailand…guess what???…it is too large to fit the newly imposed 61 inch rule. Not only that, Southwest broke the handle on my carry bag on from my flight from San Jose to Nashville. When I went to complain I was handed a card with a QR code and told to take pictures and use the card to start a claim. Unfortunately, the Southwest baggage personnel neglected to tell me that you had to make your claim within four hours of claiming your bag from the carousel. Seriously, how many people are going to start a claim immediately upon being given a card after a long day or two of flying? Seems like dirty politics to me.
I remember well when checked bags were flown for free and I have wondered why the flying public has allowed this to happen to us. I mean…YOU ARE FLYING SOMEWHERE AWAY FROM HOME…of course you need to bring clothes with you as YOUR CLOTHES ARE AT HOME. You are buying an airline ticket for a trip that involves being away from home and everything that you own is there. Why are we being forced to pay baggage fees on top of the price of a ticket?
This trip has proved a rude awakening for me as it has already cost me $350 for luggage and/or fees. If this continues I will be walking to South America. Already, I discarded clothes three times before leaving trying to par down what I was taking. Believe me, trying to decided what to take with you when you travel to places still unknown is vexing….I will be in some very cold, very hot and all places in between kinds of places for the next year and already I have had to buy three suitcases through no fault of my own. In addition, the first leg of my trip on Delta from Medford to San Jose cost me an extra $100 in addition to the normal bag fee as my bag was 10 pounds over the weight limit which was not the case when weighing it on my bathroom scale.
Since my new suitcase is smaller than Big Blue, I spent today removing more clothing including a pair of socks, two pairs of pants, a pajama set, a belt, Flonase, a secondary razor, various toiletries, and six shirts. At this rate I will be flying naked wrapped in the same Saran Wrap that is often used to wrap the luggage. That said, Saran Wrap is probably not an option either as I will be over the 50 pound weight limit and will be charged accordingly.
I don’t know when it was that the airlines conspired to take the fun out of flying but with extras for food, booze, suitcases, seat assignments and the like; it seems to me that its time to try something more efficient and consumer friendly… like a horse and buggy.
So, it has been a crazy month between arriving home and immediately working on packing my house, finding a storage facility, trying to learn a bit of Spanish and finally getting gone. Some of the things I will miss the most include watching the marine layer lift from its banks, sitting in my garden, the warm laughter of friends and seeing the ocean whenever I wanted. Truly, there are very few places as gorgeous as the Southern Oregon coast.
After my house closed in early May, I proceeded to a friends house for close to two weeks. We took a final fly fishing trip together and while I did not catch any fish I enjoyed the Umpqua River and all its beauty. I am so thankful that this ex-lover introduced me to fly fishing which has given me hours of pleasure and taught me the value of patience. I also reconnected with a past lover who made an evening memorable and made me laugh heartily which I desperately needed. During this time I also turned 64…an age that is immortalized in that Beatles song…the lyrics finally ring true at this age!
On May 21st I left Oregon and headed to San Jose where the Gracie graduated from San Jose State. Hard to believe that my 20 yo young woman is headed off into the big wide world on her own. She’s come a long way since when she left as a 17 year old girl. Almost the entire family attended the graduation except the oldest and I spent two days in the company of my ex. It was a test for me of sorts but I have found that enough time has passed with very little contact so that the intense feelings that were felt when I left five years ago have mellowed with time and therapy. Do I trust him? NO. Do I like him? Only for what he has done for our children in the past year. Do I hate him? NO because hate only serves to hurt the hater and not the one who those emotions are direct at. I have come a long way, worked hard and am happy that I have reached a sense of neutrality about him whereas five years ago that would have been hard to imagine.
Yesterday, I flew to my oldest daughters home where I am visiting with the grandkids. Next week I head to Michigan to visit with my almost 89 yo father. While we have not always gotten along as I would have liked; I am reminding myself that this will possibly be the last time I see him which allows for a perspective that is entrenched in visions consisting of love and compassion. From there I head to Las Vegas to stay with my best friend for almost two weeks until I leave for Queretaro, Mexico for two months. After Mexico I head to Costa Rica to housesit for six weeks. While I am elated about these prospects, I am also facing a health issue that is concerning and that outcome will determine if I am able to keep traveling or if I will be forced to change plans and face surgery…or worse. And the worse is what stops me in my tracks. So often, we put off living for kids, mortgages, and retirement only to find when we reach our Golden Years disease robs us of our dreams for our future. I have been lucky. I have lived so many of my dreams and done many of those things that are important to me. Yet, I know of many who have not. It matters not if you are young or old. You have the choice to decide that now is the time for you to start really living your life in a way that is meaningful and authentic to you. You are alive NOW so use your time wisely and start making a promise to yourself that each year you will accomplish one thing that you believe will be important to your personal growth and benefit the world/people around you.
Queretaro, Mexico
Send me a postcard, drop me a line Stating point of view Indicate precisely what you mean to say Yours sincerely, wasting away Give me your answer, fill in a form Mine for evermore Will you still need me, will you still feed me When I’m sixty-four – The Beatles
As I pack up my home, one of the things I keep returning to is the joy that traveling has brought me over the years. My home is eclectic and I am surrounded by things I have collected from around the world. One of the things I try to do is buy art wherever I go; so that when I look around my home memories come flooding back of where I have been, what I have seen, and who I have been with. Often, it is not where you go but who you are traveling with that determines what you see and what you end up doing and those are often the trips that bring you the most laughter…for years to come.
I recently returned from Laos with these beauties. I am just amazed at the skill and depth of the painter. They were painted in 1987 and I truly believe he captured the essence of life at that time as well as years gone by. He also painted the one below. They cost me less than $100 and I am still in awe. Below the young lady is a painting I saw in a shop in Ethiopia. It really was not for sale I found out but when asked the merchant sold it to me for $10. I love how sassy that woman who is holding up the world looks.
I developed a love a traveling thanks to my parents who ensured that we took day trip and a yearly trip somewhere. My favorite from that time period was when my parents loaded us into the old blue Wrangler station wagon and off we went to Colorado traveling through miserably hot states with no air conditioning. We stayed at the YMCA of the Rockies in a huge cabin with about five families and their children and we all still talk about those great times today.
I have always traveled cheap and have even exchanged houses in Scotland and Belgium. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to see the world and frankly, I don’t. What I want is the memories of where I have been and not the credit card statement reminders. I encourage everyone to live life thoughtfully and travel consciously. The younger you start your travel journey the better. The way I look at it, is if I am 25 years old and I take a trip that costs $1000 ; spread out over the average lifespan that is less than pennies per day. Yet, if I take that same trip at 60 the cost is much higher and I don’t have those memories to lift me up and carry me throughout my life when the going gets rough. And I still get really excited when I think about my best travel score… two airline tickets and hotel to Stockholm for $328!
So, get out there and do it. Travel. Travel cheap. Collect art. It will change your perspective about the world and the people in it for the better.
For years I craved silence. The silence to contemplate. The silence which would deaden all the thoughts running around in my head with their corresponding sounds. The silence brought about when six children were all tucked into their beds and I could hear the whispers of the house as it told the stories that had happened that day. Yes, I craved silence. In fact, I was suppose to get hearing aids at age 25 but I didn’t. Whether it was vanity or just not wanting to hear the noisiness intruding on my everyday world; hearing everything at 1/2 sound was perfectly okay with me….until it wasn’t.
As I have aged my use of the word “What?” has increased proportionally to the speed at which my boobs have dropped. My children, lovers and friends have become frustrated at having to repeat themselves and I have often misunderstood what was being said to the point that I have hurt people inadvertently because I thought I heard something that I didn’t. I have spent so many years filling in the blanks incorrectly that it had become a way of life that many people were tired of sharing with me. And even scarier, studies have shown that people with hearing loss are much more inclined to develop dementia because they are not using or underusing parts of their brains.
So recently, I bought a pair of hearing aids from Costco. Yes, I am brand naming because Costco made it such an easy and simple process. Their audiologist was fantastic and walked me through everything I had to know and installed the app on my phone.
I have to say that I adapted really quickly to my devices even though it was strange to hear again. Now I walk down the street and actually hear the birds singing. I hear the refrigerator running (not sure that is great) and I can engage in conversations and not be embarrassed because I said something inappropriate. I can actually say that wearing hearing aids has changed my life for the better and for that I am thankful.
So the next time you have to repeat yourself to someone because of their hearing loss be patient with them. Understand that making a decision to wear hearing aids is a difficult and often complicated one. But most of all, in your kindest voice, with a smile gracing your face perhaps you might say to your hard of hearing friend, “I love talking with you. It is a highlight of my day. It would be wonderful if our conversation could be a little smoother which it might be if you could hear me just a little better.” And then just leave it at that. Timing is everything and one day your hearing impaired loved one will be ready to take the plunge. Until then, give them the support and encouragement that they need to realize for themself all that they are missing.
Okay, I kind of feel that this is ridiculous… a 64 yo woman in a panic. I mean, what on earth is there to panic about? I am selling almost all my worldly possessions; including my beloved house. And then on May 15th; I will be homeless living out of one very large pale-blue suitcase. Yet, that is when the Grand Adventure is suppose to begin, traveling overseas and housesitting… even though there is no schedule or no concrete plan and despite the fact that will not know a soul. I find that I am flogging myself on a daily basis for taking Russian in high school instead of something practical like Spanish. And I am getting anxious just contemplating how to even pack for such a life-changing event. For instance, how many pieces of underwear does one need in this situation and why is footwear so heavy? These are the things I am preoccupied with lately, so tell me, what could go wrong?
Apparently everything, according to my mind which has begun hissing at me and inflicting immense doubts which are creating a whiteout in my brain as big as the blizzard to ’42. It fact, the numerous death scenarios which are making regular visits inside my head include:
Getting run over by a donkey (and what is the significance of getting run over by an ass anyway?)
Riding in the back of chicken truck that swerves off the road and plunges down a ravine
Being swindled out of everything by a man with a hypnotic accent and delightful hands
Not remembering how to scream out the words for “HELP!” or “POLICE!” and instead saying something on the order of “Your goat smells like old cheese!”
Meanwhile, I am watching cartoons in Spanish and joining language immersion apps hoping that I will learn Spanish in record time. Yet, more often than I like to admit, I forget whether I have already taken my pills and call my kids “Hey, You!” so I don’t get their names wrong. Frankly, I am beginning to believe that old adage “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” might prove to be my unwanted and unintended self proclaimed motto.
But then, somewhere in the middle of this chaos, it hits me that I am starting to live my life authentically. That I am trying to new ways of thinking, finding new dreams to reach for, and that I, alone, am responsible for crafting a life that I can be proud of. And this I know: I don’t want regrets. Too many people wait for “the perfect time” and forget to wind the clock casting a stillness that settles over a life like a moth-worn blanket that is full of holes. I don’t want that kind of life. I want to take chances. I want to live and love with a freedom that I have yet to experience in all my 64 years. I am demanding of myself a life that is real, deep, and meaningful. A life that my kids can tell their kids about and whisper my stories to them so they can be inspired to be courageous and brave.
My garage sale is this Saturday. My lamp, the one I bought when I was 22 and broke, will be in the fray. I hope someone who needs to illuminate some corner of their life buys it and finds what they are looking for. The books I have read … I hope that the words provide comfort and curiosity to the reader in order to stir their imagination. And my old Yamaha guitar that I have had since I was 13 and on which I taught myself to write songs.at age 59 .. may it find its way into the hands who can make it soar. But most of all, if you come by please don’t nickel and dime me to death for each item. For everything I am disposing of has a story and great meaning to me and in some small way has made me the woman I am today. A woman who is afraid to step out but is still going to do it anyway. No more playing it safe for me.
Three weeks ago I was in Thailand with my boyfriend, who, on the second day of our trip, decided to end things with me. There was no fight. No argument. No nothing. Just a surprise conversation while lying in bed together. Talk about a sure fire way to lose your libido!
If I am honest with myself, I knew the relationship wasn’t quite right (mostly for him) I am optimistic and he is a pessimist. He is a neat freak whereas I am not so anal. I embrace life and love fiercely whereas he says he isn’t sure what love really is. But I knew the end was coming when he said I reminded him of his mother..he disliked her. And, well, the big thing…he has never found me attractive…yes, he had the gall to say it (more than once) and as we all know there was nothing I could do about that except lose my confidence and start feeling somewhat insecure. But still I persisted. Why? We laugh a lot, had great ___, are compatible and were economically similar. And he taught me things, important things like fly fishing, he values our friendship and a truly nice man who tries to look out for my best interests even when I am sometimes unable to determine what they are. Sometimes as you age the things that were once high on your priority list suddenly slip a little while other once inconceivable things now take their place. Luckily, we are good friends and enjoy each other’s company so we still had a good time but seriously walking on the beach NOT hand-in-hand was not exactly how I envisioned a beach trip to Thailand and Laos.
Anyway, the day before leaving the country, I put my house up for sale…kind of on a whim but then again not. It sold in one day. I worked hard on this house. New wood flooring, painted the inside and outside myself, new roof, faucets, fixtures and tile in the bathroom, a beautiful garden with 7 ft high fence to keep the elk out, along with numerous other projects all completed in two years. I love this house, that I painted red which was located then two miles from the ocean. And I sold it and a whole lot of what I owned. Why? Right now….this second…. in this moment of complete panic… I am not sure why. But deep in my heart I know I did the right thing and these are the reasons I believe I did:
Fist off, I think the housing market is going to crash and wanted to get out while the getting was good. I didn’t want my house to be worth less than I paid for it. Secondly, I live on almost an acre and one-half and with the traveling I have been doing it isn’t practical with all the mowing and upkeep on the garden. Furthermore, I do not like the direction that this country is headed at the moment. And finally, I always wanted to try to live in another country for a bit. Everything combined created the perfect storm and I went for it. Now, as I pack boxes and unload many of my earthly possessions I am questioning myself.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
“Perhaps it is early onset dementia?
“Yes, maybe. I couldn’t remember the word for fork the other day”
“Everyone says start writing notes to yourself.”
“You tried that and lost the notebook”
“What kind of 64 year old woman sells everything and sets off an a big adventure that most 18 yo’s without gut issues, hearing aids, and often severe gas don’t even consider?”
And so it goes. The never-ending songs inside my head.
So here is the plan. I hope to housesit around the world. I will be homeless May 15th, a week later will attend my youngest daughter’s graduation from college, fly to my other daughter’s house in Tennessee, visit my Dad in Michigan then by the middle of June arrive at my best friends house in Las Vegas. Then, June 20th, I will leave for Queretaro, Mexico to housesit for two months. It’s a beautiful historic town and I think I am going to enjoy stepping back in history a bit. From there…who knows. But Ecuador seems to be calling my name.
I hope you will join me on this crazy journey that I am taking and know if I can do this you can do something scary and a bit difficult too. And if you want to know about where I was five years ago with a cheating husband and my six kids, well then, just read this blog!
So after several years of anonymity (didn’t want anyone to know whose sad life I was writing about) and years of being away from blogging, I have decided to continue this blog again. For the longest time I have put it off because I was finding myself and trying to distance myself from all the heartache that my ex inflicted and still tries to even today. I didn’t know that I wanted to continue to write on a blog that was once so full of angst and pain when I am in such a different place than I was when I started writing this…what?…seven…maybe eight years ago. But then I decided… we grow. Life changes. And good stuff happens so it occurred to me that it might be helpful for those whose lives feel upended to realize that you will come out on the other side. Different but mostly in a way that improves your life and in ways that you didn’t even know that you needed.
I am 63 years old now. Since my divorce my ex just took me to court again to reduce support which cost me $25,000 in legal fees. My take…try to avoid the lawyers if you can. As I write this he is in Italy living life to the fullest…but then again so am I. I am just much poorer than he is but I can honestly say that my life is much richer and unlike him… I know who I am and love who I have become. That said, because of my ex’s behavior I still find trusting men to be complex. However, I am learning that trust = consistency over time and when I view it in that manner I find that trust is easier to see and it comes out from those dark shadows.
Since I stopped writing this blog I have had three love affairs; each lasting about a year and all teaching me lessons that I needed to learn. I don’t regret even one of them (okay, maybe one) and will always treasure this time spent in loving growth. That is not to say that these didn’t come with their own kind of heartache when they ended (the last one occurring just last week) but I can honestly say that I would do it all again for the love I received and experiences I grew from. For instance, from one of these men I learned how to fly fish. Had anyone told me that one day I would be casting while standing in the pouring rain for four hours I would have thought they were crazy. As it is, my kids are convinced that early onset dementia has kicked in but I love this new hobby. I have yet to catch a fish but I am not trying (no hook used) I just like being in nature and trying to get my body to do what I want it to do. I have also tied a few flies of my own.
Two years ago I moved to the coast of Oregon where I live on 1 1/2 acres in a house that I just painted red which is a color that I have always loved. I planted a garden and made a patio within it surrounded by a 7 1/2 foot fence that is suppose to keep my 30+ herd of elk out. I have a mountain lion that comes by at night about twice a year along with a bear that likes to raid my trashcan. I can pick wild mushrooms just by stepping outside my door and I try to walk along the ocean which is one mile from my house once a day. I have created my own little world that I am very happy and comfortable in. While not huge, my house is big enough for me and the things I hold dear. Everything in it reflects where I have been and who I am now. It is very hippie-bohemian just like me. And I am finding peace and actively creating it for myself.
I have also worked on being brave. I have written a children’s book. I also began writing songs about three years ago and thus far have written about 20 of them. Songwriting is such a joy to me and a truly different way that I now have to express myself. In forcing myself to be brave I have taken to playing at open mic night here in town. I hate every minute of it and how I play perfectly at home and bomb while on stage. But hey, that is okay because I am challenging myself and don’t just sit in complacency doing nothing.
I have also traveled quite a bit in the five years since I left my ex. Mostly with my lovers (Australia, Europe and Norway) I also fished in British Columbia, Canada. Also during MY YEAR OF BEING BRAVE (a year that I dedicated to doing things outside of my comfort zone) I traveled alone to Qatar and the Maldives Islands. I travel cheap. I don’t stay at the best hotels, I visit off season, and I look for incredible deals in order to be able to create the life I envision for myself. Then, occasionally I write stories for magazines about my adventures. (And for those wondering… FYI-I pay my own way and don’t rely on any man) Believe me, I know that I am fortunate to be able to craft this life that I am living mostly on my own terms.
My children are all doing pretty darn well considering the extent of the family implosion. Gracie will graduate from college in May. Paul has a good job and just bought a condo. My other Korean son who has autism earned his associates degree and is now at college in Texas working on his bachelors. My oldest three are doing well as are my grandkids.
Yes, I miss having a permanent partner in my life and I would like to someday find one for I still believe that a passionate/compassionate kind of love can be found. I used to think I couldn’t live a happy life without someone standing by my side but I have come to find that I can. At times, it saddens me to think I might die alone but in reality we all do in one form or another so I am becoming more and more comfortable with that thought. And while I have found in the past few years that I still put others needs before my own I am learning to do it on my terms and in ways that bring satisfaction to me.
This coming year….2025…I have decided will be spent crafting a YEAR OF OVERFLOWING ABUNDANCE. What this means at the present time… I am not sure. But somewhere in the back of my mind it means being grateful, saying yes to opportunities presented, and seeing the glass as neither half empty or half full but overflowing abundantly. I am also considering a 3 to 6 month stay in another country….something that I have always wanted to do.
So here’s to you and me. Here’s to the all the possibilities that come our way. Here’s to finding our way out of the dark and into the light. Sometimes I cannot believe who I have become and occasionally I miss who I once was but I would not trade this life that I have created for myself. I hope you feel the same way too!
Gardy Loo Pismire 