If you know me, you know I am a pretty quiet person who doesn’t really “DO” parties and the like. I tend to stay at home, live quietly, and rarely go out. To most people that sounds like a person who is a wall flower but that is not me either. As a former journalist, I can talk to anyone and make them feel at home. But just because I can talk to anyone doesn’t mean I am gregarious or comfortable being outgoing…I am not but because I can ask questions people mistake me as such. So imagine my great surprise that since I have been in Queretaro I have become a MAJOR socialite.
To be fair, Barbarita took it upon herself to ask all her friends to check in on me and to invite me to different social situations. To say that her friends have followed her request would be a horrible understatement…and I am exhausted… but having fun. And I can say that I have learned that being a socialite, while exciting, is also hard work! LOL!
This past week, on Wednesday, I went and volunteered at the distribution center. On Thursday, B invited me to go into historic Queretaro and visit the sites. Then I was invited to dinner.
Thursday B invited me to girls coffee and grocery shopping afterwards. I got home and got a text from a lovely couple who invited me to dinner that night.
Friday, I was busy with another friend and when went out on a set-up date (don’t ask!). Today, two lovely ladies came over and taught me to make my first true Mexican dish from scratch…sopas. They spent the afternoon teaching me Spanish while I attempted to teach them English and it was a great way to spend the afternoon..
Tomorrow I have a dentist appointment ($53 USA for exam, X-rays and having a cavity filled) On Tuesday and Thursday I have my Spanish lessons. Wednesday is working at the distribution center. And several other social invitations for next week await. While I can say with all honesty that this is not the “”usual” me; I will let you in on a little secret. Before I came to Mexico, I made myself a promise that I would try to say “YES” to anything asked of me and so far that is working out great. I am seeing so much and getting to know so many friendly people who are extremely kind and have taken this “gringa” under their wings. I have found that people on the whole are kind and compassionate and as a single woman housesitting throughout the world I find that I really appreciate this “socialite” role I have been thrust into thanks to Barbarita and her family. Adios Amigos!
In the week that I have been here I have gotten to” know ” quite a few people thanks to Barbarita and James. Everyone has been so kind and nice to me even though my Spanish is woefully Malo. But I keep trying to improve so I think they appreciate that I am willing to try. In fact, I have found in my travels that even if you know just a few words in another language and you are visiting for a short time that people appreciate the effort of showing them that you respect their culture or area enough to try to reach out. In this vein, I have decided to take Spanish lessons in an attempt to “fit in” a little more. It will be a challenge due to my age and the fact that everyone tells me that Mexican Spanish is a little different from Peruvian Spanish which is a tad different from Costa Rican Spanish; but I am excited to learn more and to be able to communicate with others.
Learning a new language is so much easier these days than say 20 years ago. This morning I watched Chicken Little in Mexican Spanish on Lingopie. I have also bought several children’s books from New 2 You (the second hand store in which I will be volunteering) in hopes that it will help me learn. It has been quite fun going back to my childhood to revisit stories that I once knew and that my parents read to me when I was a small child. It makes my insides smile.
Saturday, I attended a party to welcome me to Mexico and to thank the volunteers who work at the store. It was thrown by Barbarita and I met many people who were kind and welcoming. In fact, two of the ladies, one of whom is a great cook have offered to come over during the week to break bread and learn each other’s respective languages. Gabby (who speaks no English) and I had a good time trying to talk to one another through hand gestures and when the going got rough using a translator. She is going to make Sopas for me next week and I am so excited about it. Several other ladies offered to make dinner dates and to go walking together in the mornings. I am excited to get to know these soon to be friends.
Deciding to make the move and experience to different countries at my age has been an interesting adventure. Yet, I can say that I truly believe that the love and acceptance I will find on my travels, while unexpected, will be a gift that I will treasure for the rest of my life. I feel so lucky to have this opportunity to get to know various cultures, geographies, and people as I make my way to exciting and unexpected places. Best of all, as I learn Spanish it will open even more doors of opportunity and friendship as I learn to connect with people who value connection and mutual understanding just as I do.
So I have arrived in Queretaro, Mexico, and thus far I am loving it. It is different than I imagined. First of all it is in the mountains which at this time of the year are lush and green. I am quite high in the mountains, which as it turns out, gave me a headache from the resulting altitude sickness from living up so high. But the beauty of the mountains is worth the price of a few Tylenol. There is also a Dennys, Costco, Walmart and HEB store here. While these businesses makes life easy it also makes me feel as if I am living back in the USA which is what I am trying to get away from. All I can say is thank goodness for the authentic Mexican taco stands with their slabs of fire grilled meat which is hand-sliced with a knife that is big enough that Crocodile Dundee would be proud to carry one. Best of all, I discovered a new favorite way to eat tacos…topped with fresh pineapple and melted cheese. YUMMMMM!
Thus far it has been raining constantly partly due to the rainy season and also the outer band of Hurricane Eric which came ashore. My little casita outside the main house is starting to leak a bit of water through the ceiling. I discovered this after crawling into a wet bed but it is really a minor inconvenience and not a major problem. I love the neighborhood that I am in and am enjoying the hospitality of Barbarita’s family before they leave for the United States.
Prior to arriving in Mexico, I had been listening to Lingopie and taking APP Spanish lessons. And while it has helped me to be able to pick out words here and there I find that I am frustrated with myself that learning a new language is not easier for me. I know that at 64 yo just remembering to tie your shoe laces is a challenge. Yet, trying to come up with words that you have looked at a zillion times to say at the appropriate time has proved to be amazingly difficult compared to said laces. Yesterday to my great embarrassment I accidentally asked a young woman “How many buttholes do you have instead of how old are you?” Anos vs Ano really can be a major fax pas if not used and pronounced correctly. At this point my Spanish is so bad that I am afraid of creating an international incident if I open my mouth. And while I am trying so hard to learn this beautiful language I find that my 64 yo brain just does not want to cooperate.
The other day I accompanied my host/friend Barbarita to the hospital. She is an incredible Palliative Care nurse who is working on her PhD. She also started a second hand store to provide scholarships for health care professionals wanting to learn about hospice. She is such an inspiration and I can hardly wait to start working in the store. Anyway, back to the hospital…it was amazing. Here are just a few pictures. It puts most United States hospitals to shame.
So there we go. My first 48 hours in Juriquilla. I am loving it, learning from it, and am excited to have this chance to spend time in a place for more than just the typical two week vacation. And maybe, with a little luck I will not make a complete fool out of myself and contribute to the “ignorant American” stereotype that one often finds when Americans travel. At the least, I promise I will try really hard not to cause any diplomatic issues between our two countries.
One of my favorite musical artists is, Fia, a Swedish singer/songwriter. One of the songs she has written is called I AM and goes like this:
No, I am not who you think I am I am so much more, I am one with source I am limitless, infinite, powerful Abundant, complete from the start, creator of all I am that I am Oh yes, I am that I am
That is how I am feeling right now as I sit in Las Vegas getting ready to leave to Mexico for two months on Thursday. I am excited and a little scared. Yet, it is not the trip that scares me. What worries me is my health as I begin this journey. For several months now, I have been waiting to get an appointment for a colonoscopy and have been unable to secure one as here in the USA as the doctors offices are scheduling three months out. Hopefully, I can obtain a colonoscopy in Mexico to determine if I have polyps or colon cancer which is my diagnosis based on a Cologuard test. Frankly, I hate being in limbo and medical limbo is the absolute worst because you live with an abundance of fear for something that may or may not be, which wastes time, energy, and promotes negative thinking. Yet, I also feel at this time free and limitless… open to all the possibilities that are floating around my life at this time; just waiting for the hand that guides us to pluck my fate from the universe and to deal with the hand I have been dealt whatever it may be. And that in one sense feels liberating because I don’t have to try to control the situation; I just have to accept what IS at this particular moment.
Since deciding to sell my home three months ago to take off and explore the world, I have felt a lot of scary feelings. Yet, I also find that I am coming more aligned with myself, my spirit and my true essence. I have discovered that I AM so much more than than YOU or ME or anyone else thought I was. I feel more powerful and I have come to believe more times than not, that I am indeed the sole creator of all that I am. And with that power to create myself I have a responsibility to craft my life in a way which matches those values/traits I believe are important. To make sure that my journey includes compassion, integrity, joy, seeing things in an optimistic light and to treat others the way that I want to be treated. Further, it requires that I love myself in ways that have been difficult in the past; acceptance being of primary importance. Acceptance or approval of oneself should be easy but for so many of us it is a skill that needs to be re-learned after we lost it somewhere around the age of three when we played hide and seek and 61 years later we find that the game hasn’t ended… and I am still looking for that part of me that was lost all those years ago.
So as I embark on this journey which I hope will allow me to find myself and restore that sense of confidence I had when I was twenty, I ask myself to remember to be kind to myself and grant myself grace as I search for the things I have misplaced but so desperately want to commune with once again; allowing for unification of those parts of me I have yet to accept and in finally doing so will make me whole once again.
PS to my grandkids: I hope you learn from your grandmother to be brave and take chances. Know that bad things like an unwanted divorce may happen in your life but you can go on and create a life that is beautiful and meaningful to you. And for god sakes, please, never refer to me boring!
So, it has been a crazy month between arriving home and immediately working on packing my house, finding a storage facility, trying to learn a bit of Spanish and finally getting gone. Some of the things I will miss the most include watching the marine layer lift from its banks, sitting in my garden, the warm laughter of friends and seeing the ocean whenever I wanted. Truly, there are very few places as gorgeous as the Southern Oregon coast.
After my house closed in early May, I proceeded to a friends house for close to two weeks. We took a final fly fishing trip together and while I did not catch any fish I enjoyed the Umpqua River and all its beauty. I am so thankful that this ex-lover introduced me to fly fishing which has given me hours of pleasure and taught me the value of patience. I also reconnected with a past lover who made an evening memorable and made me laugh heartily which I desperately needed. During this time I also turned 64…an age that is immortalized in that Beatles song…the lyrics finally ring true at this age!
On May 21st I left Oregon and headed to San Jose where the Gracie graduated from San Jose State. Hard to believe that my 20 yo young woman is headed off into the big wide world on her own. She’s come a long way since when she left as a 17 year old girl. Almost the entire family attended the graduation except the oldest and I spent two days in the company of my ex. It was a test for me of sorts but I have found that enough time has passed with very little contact so that the intense feelings that were felt when I left five years ago have mellowed with time and therapy. Do I trust him? NO. Do I like him? Only for what he has done for our children in the past year. Do I hate him? NO because hate only serves to hurt the hater and not the one who those emotions are direct at. I have come a long way, worked hard and am happy that I have reached a sense of neutrality about him whereas five years ago that would have been hard to imagine.
Yesterday, I flew to my oldest daughters home where I am visiting with the grandkids. Next week I head to Michigan to visit with my almost 89 yo father. While we have not always gotten along as I would have liked; I am reminding myself that this will possibly be the last time I see him which allows for a perspective that is entrenched in visions consisting of love and compassion. From there I head to Las Vegas to stay with my best friend for almost two weeks until I leave for Queretaro, Mexico for two months. After Mexico I head to Costa Rica to housesit for six weeks. While I am elated about these prospects, I am also facing a health issue that is concerning and that outcome will determine if I am able to keep traveling or if I will be forced to change plans and face surgery…or worse. And the worse is what stops me in my tracks. So often, we put off living for kids, mortgages, and retirement only to find when we reach our Golden Years disease robs us of our dreams for our future. I have been lucky. I have lived so many of my dreams and done many of those things that are important to me. Yet, I know of many who have not. It matters not if you are young or old. You have the choice to decide that now is the time for you to start really living your life in a way that is meaningful and authentic to you. You are alive NOW so use your time wisely and start making a promise to yourself that each year you will accomplish one thing that you believe will be important to your personal growth and benefit the world/people around you.
Queretaro, Mexico
Send me a postcard, drop me a line Stating point of view Indicate precisely what you mean to say Yours sincerely, wasting away Give me your answer, fill in a form Mine for evermore Will you still need me, will you still feed me When I’m sixty-four – The Beatles
As I pack up my home, one of the things I keep returning to is the joy that traveling has brought me over the years. My home is eclectic and I am surrounded by things I have collected from around the world. One of the things I try to do is buy art wherever I go; so that when I look around my home memories come flooding back of where I have been, what I have seen, and who I have been with. Often, it is not where you go but who you are traveling with that determines what you see and what you end up doing and those are often the trips that bring you the most laughter…for years to come.
I recently returned from Laos with these beauties. I am just amazed at the skill and depth of the painter. They were painted in 1987 and I truly believe he captured the essence of life at that time as well as years gone by. He also painted the one below. They cost me less than $100 and I am still in awe. Below the young lady is a painting I saw in a shop in Ethiopia. It really was not for sale I found out but when asked the merchant sold it to me for $10. I love how sassy that woman who is holding up the world looks.
I developed a love a traveling thanks to my parents who ensured that we took day trip and a yearly trip somewhere. My favorite from that time period was when my parents loaded us into the old blue Wrangler station wagon and off we went to Colorado traveling through miserably hot states with no air conditioning. We stayed at the YMCA of the Rockies in a huge cabin with about five families and their children and we all still talk about those great times today.
I have always traveled cheap and have even exchanged houses in Scotland and Belgium. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to see the world and frankly, I don’t. What I want is the memories of where I have been and not the credit card statement reminders. I encourage everyone to live life thoughtfully and travel consciously. The younger you start your travel journey the better. The way I look at it, is if I am 25 years old and I take a trip that costs $1000 ; spread out over the average lifespan that is less than pennies per day. Yet, if I take that same trip at 60 the cost is much higher and I don’t have those memories to lift me up and carry me throughout my life when the going gets rough. And I still get really excited when I think about my best travel score… two airline tickets and hotel to Stockholm for $328!
So, get out there and do it. Travel. Travel cheap. Collect art. It will change your perspective about the world and the people in it for the better.
Three weeks ago I was in Thailand with my boyfriend, who, on the second day of our trip, decided to end things with me. There was no fight. No argument. No nothing. Just a surprise conversation while lying in bed together. Talk about a sure fire way to lose your libido!
If I am honest with myself, I knew the relationship wasn’t quite right (mostly for him) I am optimistic and he is a pessimist. He is a neat freak whereas I am not so anal. I embrace life and love fiercely whereas he says he isn’t sure what love really is. But I knew the end was coming when he said I reminded him of his mother..he disliked her. And, well, the big thing…he has never found me attractive…yes, he had the gall to say it (more than once) and as we all know there was nothing I could do about that except lose my confidence and start feeling somewhat insecure. But still I persisted. Why? We laugh a lot, had great ___, are compatible and were economically similar. And he taught me things, important things like fly fishing, he values our friendship and a truly nice man who tries to look out for my best interests even when I am sometimes unable to determine what they are. Sometimes as you age the things that were once high on your priority list suddenly slip a little while other once inconceivable things now take their place. Luckily, we are good friends and enjoy each other’s company so we still had a good time but seriously walking on the beach NOT hand-in-hand was not exactly how I envisioned a beach trip to Thailand and Laos.
Anyway, the day before leaving the country, I put my house up for sale…kind of on a whim but then again not. It sold in one day. I worked hard on this house. New wood flooring, painted the inside and outside myself, new roof, faucets, fixtures and tile in the bathroom, a beautiful garden with 7 ft high fence to keep the elk out, along with numerous other projects all completed in two years. I love this house, that I painted red which was located then two miles from the ocean. And I sold it and a whole lot of what I owned. Why? Right now….this second…. in this moment of complete panic… I am not sure why. But deep in my heart I know I did the right thing and these are the reasons I believe I did:
Fist off, I think the housing market is going to crash and wanted to get out while the getting was good. I didn’t want my house to be worth less than I paid for it. Secondly, I live on almost an acre and one-half and with the traveling I have been doing it isn’t practical with all the mowing and upkeep on the garden. Furthermore, I do not like the direction that this country is headed at the moment. And finally, I always wanted to try to live in another country for a bit. Everything combined created the perfect storm and I went for it. Now, as I pack boxes and unload many of my earthly possessions I am questioning myself.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
“Perhaps it is early onset dementia?
“Yes, maybe. I couldn’t remember the word for fork the other day”
“Everyone says start writing notes to yourself.”
“You tried that and lost the notebook”
“What kind of 64 year old woman sells everything and sets off an a big adventure that most 18 yo’s without gut issues, hearing aids, and often severe gas don’t even consider?”
And so it goes. The never-ending songs inside my head.
So here is the plan. I hope to housesit around the world. I will be homeless May 15th, a week later will attend my youngest daughter’s graduation from college, fly to my other daughter’s house in Tennessee, visit my Dad in Michigan then by the middle of June arrive at my best friends house in Las Vegas. Then, June 20th, I will leave for Queretaro, Mexico to housesit for two months. It’s a beautiful historic town and I think I am going to enjoy stepping back in history a bit. From there…who knows. But Ecuador seems to be calling my name.
I hope you will join me on this crazy journey that I am taking and know if I can do this you can do something scary and a bit difficult too. And if you want to know about where I was five years ago with a cheating husband and my six kids, well then, just read this blog!
So after several years of anonymity (didn’t want anyone to know whose sad life I was writing about) and years of being away from blogging, I have decided to continue this blog again. For the longest time I have put it off because I was finding myself and trying to distance myself from all the heartache that my ex inflicted and still tries to even today. I didn’t know that I wanted to continue to write on a blog that was once so full of angst and pain when I am in such a different place than I was when I started writing this…what?…seven…maybe eight years ago. But then I decided… we grow. Life changes. And good stuff happens so it occurred to me that it might be helpful for those whose lives feel upended to realize that you will come out on the other side. Different but mostly in a way that improves your life and in ways that you didn’t even know that you needed.
I am 63 years old now. Since my divorce my ex just took me to court again to reduce support which cost me $25,000 in legal fees. My take…try to avoid the lawyers if you can. As I write this he is in Italy living life to the fullest…but then again so am I. I am just much poorer than he is but I can honestly say that my life is much richer and unlike him… I know who I am and love who I have become. That said, because of my ex’s behavior I still find trusting men to be complex. However, I am learning that trust = consistency over time and when I view it in that manner I find that trust is easier to see and it comes out from those dark shadows.
Since I stopped writing this blog I have had three love affairs; each lasting about a year and all teaching me lessons that I needed to learn. I don’t regret even one of them (okay, maybe one) and will always treasure this time spent in loving growth. That is not to say that these didn’t come with their own kind of heartache when they ended (the last one occurring just last week) but I can honestly say that I would do it all again for the love I received and experiences I grew from. For instance, from one of these men I learned how to fly fish. Had anyone told me that one day I would be casting while standing in the pouring rain for four hours I would have thought they were crazy. As it is, my kids are convinced that early onset dementia has kicked in but I love this new hobby. I have yet to catch a fish but I am not trying (no hook used) I just like being in nature and trying to get my body to do what I want it to do. I have also tied a few flies of my own.
Two years ago I moved to the coast of Oregon where I live on 1 1/2 acres in a house that I just painted red which is a color that I have always loved. I planted a garden and made a patio within it surrounded by a 7 1/2 foot fence that is suppose to keep my 30+ herd of elk out. I have a mountain lion that comes by at night about twice a year along with a bear that likes to raid my trashcan. I can pick wild mushrooms just by stepping outside my door and I try to walk along the ocean which is one mile from my house once a day. I have created my own little world that I am very happy and comfortable in. While not huge, my house is big enough for me and the things I hold dear. Everything in it reflects where I have been and who I am now. It is very hippie-bohemian just like me. And I am finding peace and actively creating it for myself.
I have also worked on being brave. I have written a children’s book. I also began writing songs about three years ago and thus far have written about 20 of them. Songwriting is such a joy to me and a truly different way that I now have to express myself. In forcing myself to be brave I have taken to playing at open mic night here in town. I hate every minute of it and how I play perfectly at home and bomb while on stage. But hey, that is okay because I am challenging myself and don’t just sit in complacency doing nothing.
I have also traveled quite a bit in the five years since I left my ex. Mostly with my lovers (Australia, Europe and Norway) I also fished in British Columbia, Canada. Also during MY YEAR OF BEING BRAVE (a year that I dedicated to doing things outside of my comfort zone) I traveled alone to Qatar and the Maldives Islands. I travel cheap. I don’t stay at the best hotels, I visit off season, and I look for incredible deals in order to be able to create the life I envision for myself. Then, occasionally I write stories for magazines about my adventures. (And for those wondering… FYI-I pay my own way and don’t rely on any man) Believe me, I know that I am fortunate to be able to craft this life that I am living mostly on my own terms.
My children are all doing pretty darn well considering the extent of the family implosion. Gracie will graduate from college in May. Paul has a good job and just bought a condo. My other Korean son who has autism earned his associates degree and is now at college in Texas working on his bachelors. My oldest three are doing well as are my grandkids.
Yes, I miss having a permanent partner in my life and I would like to someday find one for I still believe that a passionate/compassionate kind of love can be found. I used to think I couldn’t live a happy life without someone standing by my side but I have come to find that I can. At times, it saddens me to think I might die alone but in reality we all do in one form or another so I am becoming more and more comfortable with that thought. And while I have found in the past few years that I still put others needs before my own I am learning to do it on my terms and in ways that bring satisfaction to me.
This coming year….2025…I have decided will be spent crafting a YEAR OF OVERFLOWING ABUNDANCE. What this means at the present time… I am not sure. But somewhere in the back of my mind it means being grateful, saying yes to opportunities presented, and seeing the glass as neither half empty or half full but overflowing abundantly. I am also considering a 3 to 6 month stay in another country….something that I have always wanted to do.
So here’s to you and me. Here’s to the all the possibilities that come our way. Here’s to finding our way out of the dark and into the light. Sometimes I cannot believe who I have become and occasionally I miss who I once was but I would not trade this life that I have created for myself. I hope you feel the same way too!
I know it is too soon for any sort of serious relationship. Realize, please, that I am mindful of this fact and think about what a mistake it would be to even consider the thought after all I have been through with B and my total lack of trust of men and myself. That said, with eyes wide open I have entered the dating world…and I think it probably sucks more than I thought it would.
Gracie was gone for a week so I made myself a promise that I would at least go out once and dip my big toe it the water…turns out that I stuck my entire foot into the pond.
Date #1. I had my doubts before even leaving the house for coffee…I should have listened. He was nice enough and so is his mother, I gather. He lives with her after a temporary financial setback.
NEXT
Date #2. A real Casanova this one but there was real chemistry…dangerous chemistry. Light your hair on fire chemistry BUT a rich man with no allegiance to anyone but himself. And so I came home, took a cold shower, and went to bed by myself.
Date #3. Didn’t look like his picture…need I say more?
NEXT
Date #4. Nice enough man with a history of a nervous breakdown. This girl has been a care taker all her life. Doesn’t want to be one again and is eliminating any man in which I see any possibility of reassuming that role.
One nice thing about dating is that after a tearing down of my ego for years it is rapidly being replenished. Each man I have been out with has said the same thing: You are easy and wonderful to talk to, You are pretty, You are intelligent. You are a happy fun person to be around. Guess what? I am beginning to believe them!
This weekend I have a date with a seemingly nice man who is driving all the way from Reno to meet me and will stay with his friends in a town nearby, He makes me laugh until I almost pee my pants….that’s a good thing, right!
And so I have ventured into single life kicking and screaming all the way but who knows, maybe there is someone out there for me…a damaged by divorce 59 year old woman who is finally happy to be just where she is at in life!
Gardy Loo Pismire 