Divorce and Getting Fucked By The Law

This is the way it is suppose to work

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It doesn’t work that way despite what you might believe.

Going through this divorce I am finding out a lot about the laws of this state and frankly  in this case, after 31+ years of marriage I am going to get law fucked. In California, the law is regards to divorce is this:  what you inherit it is yours alone if you leave a good paper trail.

So, say you inherit money as a 20 yo and you divorce at 70 (you were married 50 years) if you can show a paper trail of where your money went (we bought a house, etc) then it is all yours 50 years later. It doesn’t matter if you co-mingled funds or put both of your names on the deed to the house, you get your money back.  So if you put $100,000 down on a house and 50 years later the house is still worth $100,000 you get it. If you put $100,000 down on a house and 50 years later the house is worth $200,000, you get your $100,000 back plus 1/2 of the $100,000 increase in value.

Thirteen years ago, B’s father died and left him some money. Out of the 6 sibs he was the only one who was named in the will because the other children had nothing to do with him (except for one who a few years before he died began to have contact with him.) Only B and I had a relationship with him. We talked on the phone, went to dinner, had him spend time with us, etc. When he was sick I took him groceries and made him meals.  I spent more time with him than B. And after buying two houses, I find out that I am not entitled to them. Even after years of being on the deed, paying half the taxes, utilities, etc. which means in the divorce I am going to come out a loser. Big time. Worse, I think he elected to stay in Ca instead of move to WI or Tx when we had the chance for just this reason.

Really, I never thought that this would happen. Here my husband has been having an affair for four years, sent the playmate approx. $50,000 USD in cash, presents, trips, etc. I can’t get that back but he can get back what is in my name and has been for years.

To say I am upset at this situation is an understatement but at the same time my hands are tied. I can only hope that my husband realizes that the children will be watching how he treats me, that his father would be disgusted with him and that God might have a few choice words for him too.

 

Music And Memories…341 Days To Fix This

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It’s only been less than a month since B dropped the D.I.V.O.R.C.E bombshell and I struggle daily. Sometimes I’m mad, sometimes glad for the changes that might result, sometimes I am scared and sometimes I feel strong and ready for change. I guess I am just feeling all the emotions that someone married 29 years and staring divorce in the eye might feel.

In an never ending list of things I am trying to do to remind myself to honor what we have/had and to remember the love we shared in the past as we try to get “back there”; I am listening to songs that remind me of where we have been and where we might go towards in the future. They are songs that give me hope, bring back memories and spark the kind of love that we had when we first met (most of them anyway). I would like to share them with you.

The first song, Thankful by Jennifer Hanson, is one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard about loving your spouse and being thankful for their presence in your life. We played this at our 25th Anniversary.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKuP_r7_BU4&list=PLRoCqzmCCwWhApWArifH9MACTaSG41Js3&index=5

Another song which speaks to me is Hold Me by K.T. Oslin whose lyrics convey the difficulties of a long time marriage

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PqsYIAS1pdw

And then there is “OUR” song that takes me back to when we met in the 1980’s. When I hear it I see B in the purest of light, with a filter that eliminates any blemishes. I see a relationship that I believed would last forever with two people deeply in love with one another. Joe Cocker you are missed and so is that lovely passion of a new relationship that I remember with such happiness and pleasure.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Uhub5jm1LY

And “OUR” long ago songs for a romantic night…geez I can barely listen to them now without getting a tingle

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LM66X55cdSE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=br-Dy3puDoc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6QZn9xiuOE

Right now, another old favorite of mine has given me pause. We always used to sing the “Oh sweet darlin’ I give you the best of my love”  with love and passion but now the other more basic meaning of the song is making itself known to me. The song is Best of My Love by the Eagles.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaO-kgG7eCQ

And Love Will Keep Us Alive by The Eagles

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLTgzp4tp28

Get Here by Brenda Russell says what I just want to say to B. Get Here..get back to us. Get back to me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkrdXGLkQtg

The song that reminds me of the important things and gives me hope. Thanks Miss Eden!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkrdXGLkQtg

Of course I do have my down moments and when I do my heart responds to Un-Break My Heart

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2Rch6WvPJE

And when I am just plain pissed and can’t see the forest through the trees (and mostly just because I love Beth Hart) So sultry, sexy and raw! I could easily have sex to this though B may not like it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K67Ew-ERxyA

And this is the song that I pray will be us having survived this crisis and our kids off on their own. Sure we will be old but I think we can still have a lot of kick in the sugar pot! Thanks Zac Brown Band for giving me something to hold on to.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAuwqm0IjlA