This is the way it is suppose to work
It doesn’t work that way despite what you might believe.
Going through this divorce I am finding out a lot about the laws of this state and frankly in this case, after 31+ years of marriage I am going to get law fucked. In California, the law is regards to divorce is this: what you inherit it is yours alone if you leave a good paper trail.
So, say you inherit money as a 20 yo and you divorce at 70 (you were married 50 years) if you can show a paper trail of where your money went (we bought a house, etc) then it is all yours 50 years later. It doesn’t matter if you co-mingled funds or put both of your names on the deed to the house, you get your money back. So if you put $100,000 down on a house and 50 years later the house is still worth $100,000 you get it. If you put $100,000 down on a house and 50 years later the house is worth $200,000, you get your $100,000 back plus 1/2 of the $100,000 increase in value.
Thirteen years ago, B’s father died and left him some money. Out of the 6 sibs he was the only one who was named in the will because the other children had nothing to do with him (except for one who a few years before he died began to have contact with him.) Only B and I had a relationship with him. We talked on the phone, went to dinner, had him spend time with us, etc. When he was sick I took him groceries and made him meals. I spent more time with him than B. And after buying two houses, I find out that I am not entitled to them. Even after years of being on the deed, paying half the taxes, utilities, etc. which means in the divorce I am going to come out a loser. Big time. Worse, I think he elected to stay in Ca instead of move to WI or Tx when we had the chance for just this reason.
Really, I never thought that this would happen. Here my husband has been having an affair for four years, sent the playmate approx. $50,000 USD in cash, presents, trips, etc. I can’t get that back but he can get back what is in my name and has been for years.
To say I am upset at this situation is an understatement but at the same time my hands are tied. I can only hope that my husband realizes that the children will be watching how he treats me, that his father would be disgusted with him and that God might have a few choice words for him too.
Gardy Loo Pismire 
You need a forensic accountant. You can get back any marital funds that were spent on she-bitch. And you have likely got documentation about the amount he takes care of your kids- you will likely need long term support for some long term kid struggles. And …. is your lawyer a pit bull? You need to get angry about this shit. This isn’t ok. And him tracking back to this… it’s not really being all ‘but I want you Back.
If he is still singing that tune- ask him for a post nup and a clean slate, where he signs off on a very generous settlement negating all those awful rules he’s going to benefit from. Then if he does it, signs it, whatever… give him a month or two and he will fuck up again. And then you will have the legal protection you need
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I didn’t realize that and I’m a Californian too! That’s terrible news about your homes but I do agree with Gone that a forensic accountant is needed. I bet there is more missing from marital assets than the $50K you know about. It sucks that you can see how his mind worked manipulating things like where to live. Didn’t he put your name alone on the latest deed as part of the conditions to stay together last time?
I’m catching up with posts now and your letter to the mistress was powerful and heartbreaking, yet your strength showed through in your words.
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Yeh if he says you’re on the deed so that you feel secure but you can somehow prove he planned to take it all back anyways it’s gotta breach’s something.
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