After B came to me and announced he might want a D.I.V.O.R.C.E. I realized just how silly and naive I have been my entire married life. Yes, I bought into the Prince Charming and the “Happily Ever After” notion and truly believed we would be together forever. Granted, studies on successful marriages show that to stay married you have to believe that there is no “out” and it is forever. And that is well and good if you believe that but what if your partner does not?
This “maybe” divorce has instilled in me a hard lesson that has been missing in my life. And it is this… no matter how happy you are, no matter how secure you believe your marriage to be; you should plan ahead for the demise of your marriage. Why? Because often in divorce one partner is not honest, accountable and will do everything he/she can to destroy you. Often, divorce leaves the woman struggling and broke. Her economic status plummets while her ex-husband’s goes up and that doesn’t change over time.
Therefore, I have recently told all my girls that the minute they get married they should start a DEAD FUND. Every week they should put $10 into the fund and just let it build. The fund should never be touched except in case of divorce at which point they would have enough in it to at least re-establish themselves and their family in an apartment and be able to put food on the table. Nothing is scarier than not having a penny to your name and no place to go especially when you have children depending on you. And we women are remiss in not planning for this possibility.
It is imperative that women protect themselves in case of divorce. Women still earn 77% percent on the dollar compared to men and if nothing else the DEAD FUND will help my girls get over the hump of economic inequality on a short-term basis.
If I had invested $10 a week in myself over these past 29 years I would have $15,080 put away. And better yet, if I don’t divorce my family has a nice amount to pay for my burial costs. The DEAD FUND protects you in case your marriage dies or it provides for your family in the event of your death. Either way, having a DEAD FUND will provide peace of mind no matter how the dice are thrown. Because every woman should have an exit plan in which she is financially secure for a short amount of time. Period.