I admit it, sometimes I sound harsh. I say what is on my mind and sometimes the way it sounds doesn’t even match with what is going on in my head.
About a week ago my therapist suggested that instead of saying “I wish you would talk to me before you (insert x)” I should practice saying “I love it when you ask how I feel about (insert x) before doing (insert y). It makes me feel like our relationship is valuable to you.”
Or instead of “I wish you would open up and talk to me” I say “I love it when you open up and talk to me. It makes me feel closer to you.”
I also suspect this could be one of the best things to say when you need something a little different in the bedroom.
I wish I could say I’ve noticed a change but given it’s only been a week I cannot say I have. Yet, I am prepared to practice mindfulness and be patient for the time when “I love it when…” becomes an acknowledgement of the efforts being made followed by a sincere thank-you for trying.
I love it when you walk down this lonely road with me holding my hand tightly in yours. It makes me feel less scared of our future. – me