After I had children I began to understand why some animals eat their young. Those animals are smart creatures because they know that one day their offspring will grow up to become a mouthy, sulky, nasty, mean, cranky, selfish, thoughtless and reckless teenager; so they nip that problem in the bud.

Teenagers breed contempt. They make you question your sanity. And there is nothing worse on God’s green earth than a snotty-know-it-all sixteen-year-old.

Last Saturday evening, after a particularily difficult week with our collective teens, my girlfriends and I got together for a drink…or two. I am not sure where the idea came from nor the precise number of drinks that been downed but suddenly we were compiling a list which we have decided to use against our offspring to teach them a lesson should the need arise. We called it MOM REVENGE and does it ever feel sweet. And since we are all in this together I thought I would share.

    MOM REVENGE

1. When you drop your kid off at school yell out the window “And if you don’t pee your bed again tonight I will give you another dollar.”
2. Fill your son’s bed with stuffed animals just before his friends arrive
3. Pack a sippy cup in your sweetie’s lunch box
4. Post naked baby pictures on their Facebook page
5. Yell out the car window “Remember the babysitter will be at the house waiting for you when you get home from school.”
6. Text your teen “Honey, you forgot your blankie. Do you want me to bring it to school for you?”
7. When your teen’s friends are over come downstairs with a box of head lice killer and tell your daughter that the salon called and wanted to let her know she has lice.
8. Download ice cream truck music on your cell phone and blast it on your stereo as you pass their high school.
9. Put a Barbie doll in your teens backpack.
10. Buy a recordable card and record your own personalized message that awaits in their lunch box.