So Paul’s therapist said to me yesterday, “I know you are not going to like this much, less want to do it, but you will have to do this so it gets through to Paul. If he attacks any member of the family you must (without telling him) call the police and have them take him to the hospital on a 5150. He is getting too big and he needs a reality check that if he hurts someone there are dire consequences. If you do not do this now at this age while he still has a chance as he ages he will be incorporating this behavior more and more into his life. You have got to try and stop it now.”
Hearing those words cut me. Deeply. Call the police on your own child. You must. You have to. It is your obligation. Failure to protect your other children charges could be brought against you if you don’t. He has to learn.
And so I “get” the logic I must ask … if he was rational I would agree. BUT if someone is undergoing and episode of psychosis/mental illness how can they just stop themselves? Is it as easy as all that? I think not.
One of the things that scares me is that police will come to our door. What if Paul were to run, resist being taken or because he cannot stand being touched in certain ways..hits an officer? We all know what happens to minorities in these times of situations. Often they are seriously injured or they die. How do you risk this happening because a 14-year-old is in a rage?
Yes, I know it is what must be done but what unintended consequences might result? Could I live with these if something horrific happened because I picked up the phone? Could I live with these if something horrific happened because I didn’t pick up the phone?
How do you wrap your head around all of this without it destroying your soul? Without it destroying…you, relationships, your child and your heart?
Nothing makes this possibility better. Nothing. All it looks like is a long scary road which I do not want to take but will in order to try and save my son.
4 thoughts on “So Paul’s Therapist Says…”
I wish I knew your name. So I could say it. And hug you.
Is there community police outreach in your neighbourhood? Or a city youth worker or social worker at a local community club who would know local enforcement? When I worked as a youth worker here, I talked with parents all the time, and got the real story. The “this kid has heart but needs a slap of reality” or “he drinks all the time and I’m afraid for his sister” or whatever. I would be able to discuss this as a community issue within privacy boundaries with my team. I especially understand your concerns, with autism and race being an issue, and working with them to establish “there’s a youth who needs our help, not to terrify or traumatize, but to understand and yes, intimidate, and guide” because cops are people too. And tons of them really want to make a good difference, not “I broke some kids arm because he flapped and I thought he was being terrible so I restrained him and went to far, and now he hates cops and his parents have no one to trust”…. I grew up in an area with a large middle eastern population as well as First Nations, and there was a lot of outreach work done to build trust and try to engage with sensitivity. The people who received that treatment were often the people who reached out first, to talk to us. Which I always thought was a bit backwards, but if you know this is coming, maybe you can find someone who can help you identify ways to get some of your local cops ready. Just a wonder. Hugs.
Thank you both.
What about an action plan. Call the local police. Voice your concerns as a citizen with an at risk child. We all see how monorities are being targeted. It’s on the news every day. Blacks. Muslims. Poor. Mentally ill. Jewish. And so are the police. Such a mess our communities are in.
But maybe addressing your very valid concerns, advocating, proactively, before any incident occurs with the guys and gals that really are there to protect us.. And I have to believe they are 🙏🏼.
I know.. More work as an already overworked and under appreciated mum. Daunting. But think of the relief knowing that your son will be best protected should you ever need to act on such a plan.