Lately I have been thinking about what a woman needs to craft a joyful and successful life. Of course, being a ying/yang sort of person, I also ponder  what women don’t need as well. As I have thought about this it occurred to me that what I would write now is something completely different from what I would have written at 20, 30, 40 or even, God forbid, 50 something. Seems to me each decade brings a different sort of wisdom that carries us forward, and yet, we also seem to mislay this wisdom because of the mistaken notion that at various ages in our lives we are “suppose” to live and act in a certain pre-defined ways.  Culturally defined ways. A way our mothers would be proud of. A way that we must act and things we must lose if we are to find “true love” like Katie Morosky in the movie The Way We Were.

I think that as women we often we work so hard at becoming who we think we are suppose to be that we lose who we really are; our souls slipping away before we actually do. So in hopes of avoiding becoming soul less souls sooner than later I have written a list of What A Woman Needs  To Know (Or Doesn’t Need To Care About) for my daughters and granddaughters. Here you go girls:

1. Laugh. Loud and often. Snorting is even better.
2. Never compare yourself to another unless it is to encourage yourself to go in the direction of your dreams.
3. Keep your body in shape for you and for your future health. Never diet for someone else…it doesn’t work.
4. Get all the education that you can so you can be interesting to yourself and others.
5. Get all the education you can so you can support yourself in the manner you would like.
6. The first time he hits you…leave.
7. If you are being called bitch, cunt, or slut by your “loved” one; then you don’t know what love is. Run away fast and find YOURSELF before you find another partner.
8. Seeing IS believing.
9. Every week… without fail… put away $10 into your “If I Die Fund.” Then if you have to leave your love interest you won’t be without resources and if you do die your relatives  can bury you in a coffin instead of a cardboard box.
10. Vacation often and in places that help you to learn more about yourself.
11. Learn to disagree pleasantly but if the other party is an asshole let your inner “mean girl” come out.
12. Being a doormat only wrinkles your dress.
13. Every time you have sex with a stranger you chip away at your soul. Get to know someone first and for goodness sake use a condom (or 2)
14. Find someone who puts your needs in line with his/her own.
15. Pick someone who is smarter than you but doesn’t lord it over you.
16. You will never sustain that honeymoon glow. Be realistic and just try to keep the extreme highs and lows to a minimum.
17. Being on an emotional rollercoaster DOES NOT mean that it is true love.
18. Practice kindness especially with those you love and those who love you.
19. Grant grace as often as you can.
20. You can choose to be miserable or you can choose to be happy. Choose HAPPY.
21. Find the things you really care about and then do them. Often.
22. When you are older you will realize that it is all about the connections. Nurture them.
23. If you are unhappy it is up to you to have the courage to take the steps to make some changes.
24. For years I lived in the past and the future. Now I live in the present and I am able to tie my shoes. ( Yeah, scratch your head and think about that one)
25. If you don’t take some risks you will never know what you are made of.
26. Find love in all its many forms. We all need as much of it as we can get.
27. Once a day do something nice for someone.
28. Words without action are nothing but words.
29. You will not always be young and beautiful but if you have good manners and great confidence you will be treated like the queen that you are.
30. If your thoughts/actions are hurtful or unkind you are blinding yourself so that you cannot see clearly.
31. What seems impossible will be…until it is done.
32. Have many “huggers” in your life and be the first to give one freely.
33. Every person has a story so take time to discover what it is.
34. Be aware enough to know when to give up and when to stay the course.
35. Beating yourself up leaves nothing but bruises.
36. Change your mind only if YOU want to.
37. Be brave. Take risks.
38. Replace those negative thoughts with positive ones.
39. Dance freely.
40. When you are 30 take up a new interest. When you are 40 do the same.
41. Be around people who cherish you.
42. It will always get better especially if you take the steps necessary to make it so.
43. A hot beverage that is drunk it a hot bath is as near to heaven as you will get without being there.
44. Get over the notion that LIFE WILL ALWAYS BE FAIR. It won’t.
45. Your job is to raise your children to be the type of person you would want with you when you are on a sinking ship.
46. Sometimes the only words that fit are “Fuck You” said with total conviction.
47. Pulling the covers back over your head is often better and smarter than drinking a martini.
48. Save for your old age. It will be there before you know it. Yeah, I know you don’t believe it… but it will.
49. Chances are that when you die you will only be talked about by three generations. Try for five.
50. If you are living on a beer budget, then drink beer, not whiskey.
51. Which reminds me, if you are getting a cold get in the hottest bathwater you can stand and lay there for awhile while throwing back a couple of shots of whiskey. The cold will mostly likely not develop but you may have a hell of a headache instead.
52. You reap what you plant.
53. Be honest.
54. Don’t let evil into your life whether it be people, music or movies.
55. Only be as old as you want to be.
56. Be thankful and look for everyday blessings.
57. Expect more than what others think is possible.
58. You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit. Of course there are always exceptions to the rules.
59. If you only had 6 months to live what would you do? Do it NOW.
60. Your happiness is controlled by you.
61. Don’t get complacent in your relationships, in your work and in your life.
62. Be dependable to yourself first.
63. Speaking and doing are the same action.
64. Sometimes in saying nothing you are as guilty as the person doing something.
65. If you are drinking too much you are probably saying too much too.
66. Pursue excellence.
67. As you age you will get hair in places that your dog doesn’t.
68. As good as it sounds having a threesome is rarely a good idea.
69. As good as it sounds drinking on an empty stomach is rarely a good idea.
70. Sit with yourself often.
71. When you screw up apologize immediately.
72. On your deathbed you will not be saying “Geez, I wish I had put more hours in at the office.”
73. The sooner you learn to let things go the sooner you will stand straight again.
74. Trust your intuition.
75. Never be afraid to scream or run if you think you are in danger.
76. If you are feeling uncomfortable there is usually a good reason.
77. Most of what “others” think doesn’t really matter.
78. Be silly. Be playful. Be that person that others want to be around.
79. Say whats on your mind but say it without malice.
80. If you are in a serious relationship don’t let a week go by without sex. Okay, a few days actually but who wants to hear their grandmother say that!
81. If your friends and loved ones don’t like your boyfriend there is a reason for that so dump him.
82. Gossiping is like running a truck over yourself…again and again and again
83. Going after a married man only leaves you with crucifixion scars.