A dear friend of mine read Running On Empty and took the time to write to me. They were loving words, get “off your ass” words and “let’s get with it” words. I appreciated each and everyone so much so that I decided to share it with you.
…. its understandable to feel these emotions and its too early to rejoice in the future. This future offers promise, independence and peace. You’ve had half a decade of discontent, mistrust, suspicion, self doubt and a self image that was devastated by uncertainty and malicious evaluation from someone who saw fault in you but not in themselves. How much more do you have to torment yourself? When do you say, its enough. You’re a strong enough person to realize what has happened here.
B, unfortunately, was snared by someone calculating enough to realize that she found a money pit. Someone who with the briefest of encounters was willing to support her financially, adopt her family and support them as well and to surrender his very existence to follow a myth that she provided.
I hate to say it, but to my way of thinking, B is a temporary inconvenience for her. She’ll live well here, if, she is, as you say, on his list to bring over, but she’d be a queen in her own country and a family matriarch if she were to go back to Vietnam a wealthy single female. B is financially worth a lot to her but I would think as benefactor of his will and insurance coverage, even more. I honestly believe she’s set him up as a gullible westerner who is going to be sugar daddy to her family and friends. The age difference allows an early exit leaving her beneficiary of his fortune, My guess is that he’ll be taking care of her family almost immediately.
All of this is conjecture, you don’t know for certain but regardless….he has his life to live….good or bad. But be more than a bystander with yours. Your offerings are more than just what B provided you. Dig down and rediscover yourself. Be Lynn. There was another person before B, you know. Find her again. It may not be easy but there is someone there, just look. You’ve been a genealogist and expert on others lives… how about reading about your ancestors and realize someday one of your heirs will be looking into their history and stumble upon your name. Show them something. Show them something good. Show them what you are made of and what they inherited from you. Make them proud but mostly make yourself proud and become who you were meant to be.