In the past week or so I have talked to four different men who all concurred that when your husband says: “I want to feel the feeling of loving you like you can do no wrong…the way I used to feel but I am unsure that I ever can again. I want to feel once again like I worship the ground you walk on…which I am is not sure that I ever can again, etc.”
IT MEANS ITS OVER. DONE. KA-PUT.
When four men tell you the same thing its a difficult thing to hear because when do four men ever agree on anything except the fact that they all want more sex. If four men agree on something as basic as this what are you suppose to do with this information? Do you take it as gospel or do you put it into the Place of Mysteries and wait for more information? Or do you, as I did, tell your husband who replied, “Well, what do you think?”
I’m not even sure where to go with that response except maybe back to college to protect myself when the inevitable happens.
So there it is…another non answer from the hubby but an agreement from four of the males species and I don’t like their answer. Maybe I will just float down DeNile and find other four men to ask….couldn’t hurt…or could it?
Gardy Loo Pismire 
I know someone who said those things to his wife and is now in a situation where he is feeling the love again. Perhaps he needs something to kick start him.
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Just hearing that gives me a little bit of encouragement! You don’t hear many of those stories! Thanks!
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There are many betrayed spouse blogs where the husband finally had his Ephiphany. I read too many! But I think struggling and actually having it be over can be two different things. The bottom line…he needs to want it to change and get out of indecision.
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I think you should make one decision for him. Tell him to take two months away. Get out. Act divorced. Understand how much it costs and how cold your life will be without things. Go no contact except for kid stuff and that’s still up to him and you to manage together it’s not you telling him everything and planning things for him to come in and be the Disneyland dad. Hell to the no. There’s Google calendar how tos for people who share kids, and other than that you shouldn’t talk to him. He needs to not be getting compassion and support from you, he needs to see what your love construct is and how that whole world goes away. He’s so sheltered he doesn’t even know what he is getting and it’s time for him to know it. And here’s the kicker- this is for you, too. What happens to you when this stress of gagging and gasping to be enough for your partner who’s done dick all about his own predicament and hurt feelers over the past year is gone? How much do you learn that you can do a lot of this on your own? That you can handle the stress, and that you can find support from people who actually want to support you, and that your life is actually… Less focused on his needs and so you are freer? I have read so many blogs about people who find once they’re separated that they… Really grow into their challenges. Without the stress of their partner, their life actually flows. Maybe you yelled because he didn’t. And then you didn’t yell, and he is still not capable of saying anything.
Yes. Kids are affected by divorce and separation. Your kids would be very very affected. You bet. But modelling a woman who is indecisive and is not strong inside her own world is also detrimental. You need to find other resources – is there a. If brother organization that can hook you up with some mentors for the boys to add extra help? I don’t think children of divorce are destined for the terrible futures quite the way you do. Many of my friends have come from ‘broken homes’ and aside from a very real understanding that they too may encounter a relationship that ends even if they work really really hard.. Their outlook and lives are good. I don’t know about special needs… But I do know that you are fierce and you would kick ass no matter what. But right now all your brain power is going toward your husband who won’t even nut up enough to make a decision. Seriously? Make it for him. Let him see what happens when he has a concrete wall between himself and his old life. He has some work to do before you should agree to stay married. He’s being an asshole.
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Hard to do but it might be time. And he’s being such an ass!
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You’re feeding him and he’s savoring ever bite…….I’m so sorry.
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